The Revealing
by rokusan
Summary: CloTi. 16 chapters, complete, during which Cloud and Tifa grow closer to each other and find each other - originally during the Lifestream scene. What happens when the stuff dreams are made of, is more real than reality?
1. Shining

Disclaimer: I sure as hell _wish_ I owned Final Fantasy VII, but I don't. All I own is the ability to come up with what I have, and know that it's my own. Tifa owns Cloud.

* * *

Chapter I; Shining

"Cloud? ..Cloud!?" Tifa cried. Cloud did not move.

"Oh my God.." She exclaimed, breathless from both the run and the shock.

Barret, Cid, and a few others of the party stormed into the tiny Mideel hospital as well, and stopped in their tracks to see Cloud, simply lying there, blue eyes bright and open, but frighteningly empty. 

Tifa had run up and immediately knelt down by his side. The stray dog she had stopped to pet, her would-be execution, and all the hardship it had taken to find him, all forgotten in this moment of sheer terror.  
_What if he doesn't make it?_

Tifa jumped as the doctor placed a hand on her shoulder. She met the middle-aged man's eyes in hesitation.  
"What's going to happen to him?" she demanded, relieved her voice sounded calm and firm. At least on the outside she seemed alright. She could not seem weak to the others. They could not give up, even if Cloud did die.

"We don't know." Came the doctor's voice, in reply to her question. "I don't dare say. I, quite frankly, am flabbergasted he even survived the first three minutes after that intensity of Mako poisoning... I'm not really at liberty to say anything about his situation-" 

"He was in Soldier." Tifa said, voice only slightly strained, and that sentence told the doctor enough.

"Then that's why he's still alive now. Still.. I want you to take a look at this."

The doctor walked to the door, closed it, and clicked off the bleak light bulb hanging from the ceiling. Everyone began to murmur in astonishment. Tifa stared. A faint cold light still filled the room. Slightly greenish, but only an echo, it seemed.. a humming, vivid memory of light. It seeped from Cloud's skin, it radiated from his bright blue eyes.

Cloud was giving light.

The eerie glow surrounding the young man dissapeared from sight as the doctor turned back on the lights. Tifa felt herself begin to shake uncontrollably, her eyes never leaving Cloud's face. If his body had been so saturated with Mako that he glowed in the dark.. what were the chances of him ever even waking up again?  
She wanted to faint, to wake up and have it all be a dreadful, a dread-filled dream, and to find Cloud well again.   
Now it seemed to Tifa that the group viewed her as Cloud's second hand, and in his absence, the leader-substitute. Barret and Nanaki both eyed her wearily, while the others still stared at Cloud. 

"We.. we can't stop now. Not like this. I.. someone still has to do something about the Weapons. And Shinra. And Sephiroth.. and.." Tifa took a few very deep breaths. She could see them search her face for tears, but there were none. She could not cry. If she did now, in front of all her companions, they might think it the end. _She_ might think so. 

"And someone needs to stay with- ...with Cloud." 

"You. You stay with Cloud for now. We'll take care of everything." It was Vincent who spoke. Tifa met his eyes carefully, feeling confusion and indecision take her over. 

"I.. I don't know.." she murmured. "If I stay, maybe that would be better, but.. but if I don't come with you, how will I know you'll all be alright?"

_How do I know it might not be better for my own sanity to get as far away from Cloud as possible?_ She added silently.  
"How-"

"No. You stay." The look in Vincent's eyes, matched by every single person standing behind him, discouraged any argument. 

And Tifa wanted to stay. She didn't care if this uncertainty might drive her insane. She knew she wouldn't be able to fully concentrate on anything with the knowledge that Cloud could die any moment.  
"I...I stay."

The others nodded and stepped out of the hospital, seeming somehow relieved. Before he left, Barret took Tifa's face in his one, huge, tan hand, and whispered, "Don't worry, Tifa. I know how strong you are, so do you. Be strong -everything's gonna turn out just fine." He let go and she nodded, and gave him a quick hug. Then he and the doctor retreated to the next room and closed the clean, white hospital door behind them, leaving Tifa in the room with the young man who gave light. 

Not until everyone had left did Tifa cry. Tifa cried, and longed for someone who would share this new torment with her. Unsurprisingly, she thought of Aeris first. Aeris had, after all, been closer to Tifa than anyone else in their group, except for Barret and Cloud. Tifa could not turn to Barret with this. He held too much insecurity and rashness in his manner to be able to help Tifa. Tifa was afraid that she would not be able to do this, save this planet, these people, without _him_. She was afraid she would not be able to keep the group together as _he_ had been able to, without difficulty. She was afraid Cloud would not come back. 

"Oh.. Aeris.." she sobbed so softly no one outside of the room could hear her. "If you were here, none of this would have happened. Cloud wouldn't have lost the Black Materia, along with his sanity.. why did we let you get killed? I.. I can't do this alone.." Tifa stopped, realising the irony of this. She longed to see Aeris again, she who Tifa had long considered a rival.. but simply because Aeris meant harm to no one. Everybody missed Aeris. 

And besides, she thought, boldly facing the harsh, barren truth, _Cloud needed you._

Tifa nearly started to cry again, in self-pity this time, but stopped herself._ No use crying over lost friends, or lost love. Just.. just take care of Cloud for now._

On impulse, she took his hand gently and studied it. Cloud had elegant hands, long and slender, not blunt and square like some men's hands were. His palms were soft, except where calluses had grown, where he had grown accustomed to his grand sword. His hand was limp, but warm. She pressed Cloud's hand to her face, smelled his scent, felt his skin. 

_How long ago..?_ There had been that one fated night, at the Seventh Heaven in Midgar, a bit before he had gone with Barret to blow up the first reactor. Tifa remembered the entire evening perfectly. 

It had been late, very late. Tifa had served drinks to Biggs, Wedge, Jessie and Cloud. All the customers had been booted for the evening. Barret had gone to put Marlene to sleep. At one point, Jessie had excused herself and gone to bed, feeling quite nauseous. Not too long after that, Biggs and Wedge got some kind of bet going, something about picking up girls, and they had left as well, singing loudly and staggering out of the bar onto the street. 

And then it was Tifa and Cloud. 

Their conversation consisted of short, meaningful words, phrases that felt unnatural and unnecessary, a staged performance. 

Tifa had been wiping the counter, and had walked around to where Cloud was sitting, when he had suddenly taken her wrists. She had dropped her rag in surprise, heart beating wildly, all of a sudden. 

And Cloud had simply looked at her with those terrible, wonderful blue eyes.. and his head had dipped down. Cloud had kissed Tifa that night. 

_I remember every second of that kiss, Tifa thought sadly. Every mangled thought twittering in my poor brain._

She had kissed him back. 

They had kissed quite a long time, Tifa feeling absolutely dizzy with him, with how she was finally with him now. She had ignored the warning bells going off in her head.  
Her hands had crept up to his neck, his face, his own hands still loosely around her wrists. He was still kissing her. The second she heard footsteps, Tifa had pulled herself away from him.

Barret stood in the doorway, the usual expression of dissaproval on his face. He froze when he saw Cloud standing rather close to Tifa, holding her wrists. 

"He botherin' you, Tifa?" Barret had demanded. Cloud had smiled lightly at this, and let go of Tifa. 

_"It's fine, Barret. Everything's fine."_

Tifa sneered softly at the soft, long hand, the hand that had once held hers so surely.  
"I should have known I wasn't to be so lucky, Cloud." She whispered. "I should've known I couldn't trust you like that.."

Cloud never mentioned the kiss again, as if it had never happened. And then, Tifa had realised why she had felt a foreboding as he had kissed her. Why he never spoke of it...  
Cloud had been drunk that night. That had been the sweet taste in his kiss. That had been why he could not remember ever kissing her. 

"I wish you were conscious. Then I wouldn't feel bad about punching you." She muttered now. Tifa had never told anybody about the kiss. She swore again she never ever would. 

Time passed easily, hours slipping anonymously into days.


	2. Falling

Chapter II; Falling

Tifa watched.   
She sat by Cloud's bedside and watched him exist.  
It would not seem a very difficult thing, to watch a sleeping man, but it was.  
Those blue, dead eyes staring blindly, unconsciously meeting hers if she shifted to the right position. 

Tifa watched this man she loved but could not trust. Loved him, and told him so, many times, while managing never to speak in the process. Felt sheer panic and despair at the thought he might desert her.

She found that nothing in his situation was improving, except that he had begun to talk. But Tifa wasn't sure if that necessarily meant he was getting better.

The first time it happened, she had grown lightheaded with shock. He had sleepily murmured something, not moving other than that.  
"Cloud!? Oh my God!" She had spoken hoarsely, and choked on tears running treacherously down her cheeks. But he had not reacted to her cry, or to her crying. He just said something on occasion, and then went back to being a vegetable. One time, he drew a long breath and cried out, "Tifa! No, wait -don't.. it's dangerous.. I -the materia.." He had stopped quite suddenly again, heedless to her shaking, hardly daring touch on his forehead. 

Lateron he mumbled an apology, and after that, he described the men in the black cloaks, repeating and repeating all about the reunion. 

The others had stopped in from time to time, checking more on Tifa than on Cloud, it seemed, catching her weary expression with looks of concern and doubt, directed only at each other, not at her. 

But Tifa knew. Understood. 

If she had been in their stead, she probably would have behaved the same. 

* 

She thought of the kiss a lot, and of her parents, and of the end of the world. She thought of all these different suppressed feelings she held for Cloud Strife. She wondered what it was that had happened that had screwed this world up so badly, and all these lives. She realised, to some degree of astonishment, that she felt sympathy for Sephiroth. But, as she realised it, she also knew that this would not stop her from doing whatever it would take to bring an end to the shadow of death he had let fall on the planet. Kill him.

Tifa shook her head and turned to more benevolent things within her thoughts. She smiled. Back to Cloud. Interesting, really, how he could make her feel so.. happy, sometimes, simply so laidback and at peace. While he also seemed to bear so much pain and hatred and distrust to her memory. The most prominent feelings, she perceived, were constant. Love, fear and hesitation. 

Yes, she loved him. Tifa knew that, had known for about seven years now. And yes, she feared him. She still knew she could not trust him. She knew he was at Sephiroth's mercy, though he did not want to be. Something was within Cloud, holding his mind tight, keeping him from being free, and true. Tifa's eyes narrowed in thought. She feared Cloud. She feared _for_ Cloud. 

Hesitation had played a big part all along. It was, sadly enough, Tifa's nature. From the moment she realised she adored that blonde hair, those bright, bright blue eyes, that gorgeous smile.. she had stopped, stepped down, turned, fled.  
And now, all these years later, years of boyfriends dumped because she couldn't get those commanding blue eyes out of her head, he had returned. And she had found she still had a very grand weakness for this boy, and now young man, handsome and chilling and absolutely lovely.  
Tifa still could not speak a word of it. Not even when Aeris threatened so much, simply by smiling. Tifa sighed, wondered what Aeris had that she didn't, to make every single guy she met grow absolutely infatuated with her. 

* 

Then came a day in the quiet, endless torture Tifa was undergoing. A day that, from the start, seemed destined to have something happen. 

Tifa hadn't slept for three nights straight now. She also hadn't been able to eat or drink. The doctor had threatened to kick her out if she didn't rest and accept some nourishments, but for the half-hour she actually lay silently in a sterile bed beside Cloud, she could not sleep. She was so restless and nervous, the moment she had forced some bread down her throat with a sip of water, she had had to run outside to vomit it all out again. She couldn't keep anything in. 

So Tifa sat, and watched, and became less human. 

She was non-responsive to almost everything Barret and Cid said to her when they stopped in one day. They figured she was so afraid of losing Cloud that she was locked tight in her own world, not listening to them.  
_Every word._

"Look at her.." Barret murmured from where he was standing, the corner of the room. "She's lookin' like a corpse. Not ever sleepin', always hoverin' over Cloud.. as soon as he wakes up I'm gonna kick his spikey ass for havin' her so _sad_.."  
Cid grunted in reply. "It's incredible, how she is, how much she cares fer the kid. Hope I get a girl like that some day."  
"What? What do you mean? You.. you think Cloud 'n' Tifa got a history together?" Barret exclaimed as softly as he could, glancing nervously at Tifa. She had her eyes closed.   
"Shht!" Cid hissed through his teeth. "And for as far they can _have_ a history at their age.. yes. They are or have been romantically involved, I'd say. Just look at 'em together.." Now Cid glanced at Tifa as well. She ignored them both.  
_How ironic,_ Tifa thought passively._ After trying to hide my feelings, everyone still knows. My whole life seems to be equal to gossip. How.. how amusing.._

She stopped listening as the ground began to shake violently. Barret and Cid flashed out the door to see what was going on.  
"Weapon!" Tifa heard Cid cry out.

_Oh no,_ Tifa's thoughts were deadened but purposeful. _This was our haven, our sanctuary, and now it's under attack? I have to take care of Cloud. I have to make sure he doesn't get hurt._

She lifted him into the nearby wheelchair with considerable difficulty. Besides being rather heavy, Cloud was entirely unaware of anything that was going on, and stuck to his behavior -a deadweight. In the wheelchair he sat limply, said something once or twice, called her name.

"Tifa." 

"TIFA!"

She flew up, ready to act, no longer stupidly wondering what was going on.

Weapon was attacking Mideel. She had to get out of the tiny hospital. She manoeuvered the wheelchair carefully, escaping the small building. And then outside. Buildings were crashing down around them, the ground bursting open, strange, glowing water spraying about.  
Tifa slowed and looked about, helplessly. Saw a little boy fall and his grandmother help him up. Saw the stray dog yank on a man's sleeve. _Forget your potions. Get out. Get the hell out._

"Sephiroth's at the Crater," Cloud remarked, deadpan.  
"You're not being very helpful, you know," Tifa muttered in reply. 

She began to push him -to safety, to secure grounds, to a Weaponless Place. The ground behind her was shaking so badly it was falling apart. Tifa ran for her life, Cloud right in front of her. 

She ran until she found that the ground in front of her had actually already fallen apart. She had fallen in, plummeting after Cloud, who was ever subconscious, and still halfway mentioning something about the Reunion. The warm, glowing water was so _close_.. 


	3. Forsaking

Chapter III; Forsaking 

And then a darkness. This darkness was utterly vast and all-consuming, and grandly unforgiving. And tender and comforting. Tifa thought to herself that this was how she had always thought of Death. It existed and one had to take it as it came.

There was a sadness as she realised she was dead. Her friends were all still alive. And Cloud-

She blinked. Black stretched endlessly._ Heh... _perhaps she was in a tiny room, she wouldn't have noticed. _Just black_.

She blinked again, and realised she still had a body beneath her. And gasped for air as she realised she wasn't breathing. Along with her ragged breath came sounds now, voices whispering, accusing. Things she had tried so hard to forget.. familiar voices.  
Cloud?  
_Cloud!?_   
_Oh my God,_ Tifa thought frantically. _He fell in here with me. Where is he? What happened to him?_

She tried to stand and run, but couldn't. She felt frustrated at being powerless, and though she didn't want to cry -she never wanted to cry- tears drew their defiant path down her colorless cheeks.  
She turned around in every direction, looking for a sign of him, anything at all. She grabbed her head in pain, and the darkness, so tangible around her, began to spin. Tifa collapsed pathetically to the ground. 

Copper eyes opened -hours? minutes? lifetimes?- later to the same shattering obscurity. Tifa moaned as she tried to stand. Her whole body felt as if it had been lifted and then smacked into a brick wall. She pushed herself up, blood pounding in her ears. As Tifa's eyes grew accustomed to seeing nothing, a faint, very faint light caught her eye.

She turned to it. It was Cloud.

The glow he emitted seemed to pulse softly, so he seemed to fade and reappear again. Then the vision of him pulsing ceased, and he simply _was_. He was standing a bit away, sword on his back. His eyes, brighter than the rest of him, were on Tifa.

Her mouth opened slightly. Cloud seemed so sad, so terribly dulled and broken.

His jaw was tight. He broke away from their eye contact and reached for his sword, fluidly sliding it from its sheath. He took a few steps towards her and extended a graceful hand to help her up. Tifa was scared._ What's happening? How can he be..?_

None the less, she took his hand and allowed him to pull her up. She swayed, still feeling weak, but his hand on her arm held her steady. Tifa felt afraid to speak, as if, for now, they went unnoticed in this vastness, but as soon as she might utter a word, attention would be drawn.

Cloud seemed to have no such problem. "Tifa."  
She noticed again how she had to slightly look up to meet his eyes. She wanted to reach and touch his face, but was afraid of that as well. She was afraid of so many things.  
"Here. Take it." He said softly, and gave her his sword.

And there Tifa stood, stupidly holding a gigantic sword which even she needed all her strength to lift, let alone to swing.  
"Why-"

"Tifa.. listen, you have to do this. I.." He looked at her, eyes kept carefully cold.

"Kill me."

"..What!?" 

"Kill me."

She met his eyes, her own wide in growing disbelief. Though she would deny it, she had the uncanny feeling she could see right into his being. Desparation, fear, loathing. His eyes were pleading her to end this misery. She felt something beneath her skin burn. _How DARE he.._  
With all her strength, Tifa lifted the sword and struck Cloud down. The hilt of his sword hit him in the head with a blunt thud. Tifa had flipped the sword, and now carefully held the blade in two hands, panting.

Cloud staggered a little and grabbed his head. "Ow! What the hell-"

"You IDIOT!" she blasted him. "How dare you! You wish you could have the easy way out of this mess!"

"Don't you think this would be easier for everyone on the whole Planet?" He said stonily, one hand clutching his head where Tifa had hit him with his sword. 

He continued before she could give another furious reply. "Look at what I've done -I let Nibelheim burn down, I let my best friend get killed, I let the last hope for the Planet get killed, I've let Sephiroth get away countless times, not to mention that I've even _helped_ him! Oh, and not to mention that Hojo has done shit with me I don't know anything about, leaving enormous gaps in my memory, so I may also have lied to you about things! So now, Sephiroth can basically destroy the Planet because of me, and if I try and stop him, he snaps his fingers and has me kill everyone! You're doing the whole world a favor by killing me!"

He stopped his tirade, probably only due to shortage of breath. Tifa lifted her eyes to him. "I will NOT kill you. I don't think it'll be of that much help in saving the world from Sephiroth. But, I do think I will feel immensely relieved after having put you through some considerable pain." And she kicked him square in the chest, full force. Cloud went flying back and landed on the non-existent ground, gasping.

Tifa sighed, feeling much better, and walked over to help him up. He refused to take her hand, and instead stayed sitting, crossing his legs beneath him. His arms were wrapped around his middle as he regained his breath. She could see how angry he still was.

"I won't kill you," she murmured.

They both rested in silence for a while, the Cloud startled her by asking, "Do you think we're dead?"

She looked down at him quite forlornly, then sat down across from him. "I'm afraid that if we aren't yet, we soon will be." she said softly.

He nodded. "I'm sorry." 

She looked up. "Why?"

"It's my fault we're stuck down here, wherever.."

"No, it's not, Cloud. You were unconscious before, in a hospital bed."

"What happened after I.. after.."

"After the Crater imploded and formed a magic barrier around itself?" she prompted, but Cloud only met her eyes blankly.

"O-kaay.." she said, and proceded to relate everthing he had missed.  
"Execute you!? They were going to execute you!? I swear to God, when I get my hands on Scarlet and Heidegger.." Cloud exclaimed, veering up and startling her.  
"Hey.. calm down. I'm still alive, right?"

When she had finished she was ovecome by a strange sadness, and saw how Cloud simply stared, face unreadable.  
"It's okay. You're okay." she whispered to him.

He was quiet for a long time. Then, "Tifa, I'm sorry.."

"Oh, Cloud! I said it was okay! Don't be so dense!"

He looked at her smiling, and then laughed. He laughed for the first in a long time. "I think it's kinda cool how I glowed in the dark, though."  
She snorted and laughed a little as well, for the first time in what seemed like an age. 

* 

Later -and later was all it could be called, trapped in this lightless space, with no measurable passage of time- Tifa was sitting. Cloud was standing and occasionally pacing nearby. They had both been quiet for a very long time. The silence was comfortable, simply a lack of the need to speak.  
At one point, Tifa had stretched and then curled up on the invisible ground. She felt Cloud's eyes on her and didn't mind.  
When she awoke later, she found Cloud sitting close beside her, eyelids dangerously close to dropping.

"You should have woken me up when you started feeling tired." Tifa said as she sat up. They seemed to have made a silent agreement about watching each other if one slept. They didn't know what might happen if they both slept.

"It's okay." he replied softly. "It's nice to watch you sleep."

He whispered the last bit so softly Tifa didn't hear him.


	4. Land of the Living

~Interpose~

Chapter IV; Land of the Living

"You.. simple.. fuck!" Yuffie screamed furiously in Cid's face. Barret stood beside Cid with an abashed expression on his face. Reeve must have turned Cait Sith off, because the great mechanical moogle was showing no reaction to Yuffie as she stomped it.

"Everyone was trusting you to defeat Weapon and protect Mideel, and what happens!? Cloud and Tifa, Tifa and Cloud of all people here, you let them go missing!? I at least would have had the decency to stick my neck out for my friends!"

"Heh." Cid grunted, wanting to get back at her for her burning remark. "If they had materia on them, at least." And earned himself a slap in the face.  
"And I quote," said Yuffie, not bothering to wipe away tears filling her eyes.   
"'Every man for himself.'" she whispered."Every _goddamned_ man for his every _goddamned_ self."

A heavy silence fell upon the group as her remark took its impact. Yuffie turned and left the room. 

"Cid.." Red XIII started carefully.

"Listen, what the hell do you want!?" Cid exploded. "We defeated Weapon for now, but Mideel collapsed right there, right under our feet! What were we supposed to do!?" He shook his head. "I swear to God I had f#$&ing forgotten they were still in there, I had yelled to them to get out. I-I g%&*mned didn't know.." Cid insisted, trying more to convince himself than anyone else. 

* 

Barret went over to Vincent.   
"Now what?" He murmured. "Cloud and Tifa are missing, Cid is a wreck, Yuffie probably bailed. Now what?"

Vincent's ruby eyes glided over the scene before him. 

"We wait." 

"No. I refuse to accept that," Nanaki interrupted. "Neither Cloud or Tifa would just wait. We.. we have to look for them, find them.."

"Nanaki, how?" Vincent questioned. "Think for a moment. What if they fell into the Lifestream? We don't know if they'd survive that. For all we know, Tifa and Cloud are dead. And even if they weren't, where would they be by now? The Lifestream looks like liquid, a flowing mass of light.. it could have dragged them miles underground. Or, they could have sunken to the bottom, and we still couldn't get them out." 

Barret let out a distressed sigh. "This whole damned situation is terrible." 

"What it comes down to," came a voice from the fluffy metal beast as it powered back up, "is that it's up to us now. We can't rely on those who aren't here." 

Barret turned to say something angrily to Cait Sith, but seemed to remember at the last moment that he was quite at the mercy of whoever it was steering the damned thing, because they had Marlene. As Barret always had, in times of despair or need, he yearned to be with his daughter. At least hear her voice. 

"Let me talk to Marlene." 

The cat nodded pensively. Click. The mog's eyes, which had at first been glowing green, now glowed blue. 

"Hi Daddy." 

"Marlene..?" 

"Yah. I can't talk too long now, Daddy, I'm in the middle of Monopoly with Aeris' Mommy." 

"You're.. playing Monopoly with Elmyra?" Barret said incredulously. Nanaki's eyes widened a little and Vincent's eyebrows raised. 

"Mmhmm. We moved to Kalm, now. We have a garden here, and I have my own room! And a doll. I called her Priss. I liked that name." 

"What about that man, who took you away?" 

"..Huh? No one took me away, he just helped us move here, if that's who you mean." 

"Hey, catman!" Barret shouted at the cat/mog thing. "Sorry, honey, I have to go again." 

"'Kay. Bye Daddy! I miss you." 

"You too.."

"Yes?" Came the man's voice. The eyes were green again. 

"I thought you kidnapped my daughter." 

"Well.. to imply something often works well enough, you know." 

"I see." Barret was frowning, finally understanding what this man had done. And hadn't done. 

** 

"Yuffie? Are you alright?" 

Yuffie spun around to see Vincent there, eyes on her. 

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just.. frustrated. Damn Cid." 

"I think you've yelled at him enough for now. He already was feeling guilty about what happened." 

"I.. I just can't help but think, 'if only I had been there to help'.." 

"But you weren't there, you couldn't help." 

"I..I know, but.." 

"Yuffie, no one can change the past, trust me." 

She exhaled slowly. "I know." 

"We're all seeing you in quite a different light right now." he remarked. 

She smiled sarcastically at him. "Isn't it great?" 

"..strange but pleasant." 

The smile died on her face to be replaced by a look of thoughtfulness, again something rather unexpected, coming from Yuffie.  
"That's the first time in my life anyone ever called me pleasant." 

Vincent didn't respond to that, ever the diplomat. 

"Vincent!"  
His eyes sprang wide as he shocked awake from his thoughts. "What?" 

Yuffie's eyes were fastened tight on something a distance away.   
"Look.." she murmured tensely, "a body.." 

And Vincent found himself running to keep up with her, wondering if this was the end in sight, or merely the eye of the storm. 


	5. Conversing

Chapter V; Conversing

"I don't understand anymore, Cloud," Tifa said, sounding rather casual considering the situation they were in. 

Cloud looked at her and had a mental flash of her in a glittering red dress, her hair up with a few locks curling down. A cigarette held delicately between two fingers, her red-gloved hand motioning up in question. She was a diva, a goddess. He blinked and shook his head at himself. Tifa didn't smoke. 

"What don't you understand anymore?" he asked softly. Maybe one person here could still be saved. 

"What's happening to us? Where are we? Are we dead? Are we waiting? Is this Purgatory? Heaven, hell?" 

He nearly snorted, and replied that if this was hell, he bloody well liked it. He caught himself in time. 

Tifa shrugged. She sounded hesitant now. "Why are we here?" 

"What was your very last memory before this, before you were here?" he asked her. 

"Falling.. into bright glowing water, that was exposed when the ground burst open." 

"Bright, glowing, blue-greenish water?" he offered, eyebrows raised. 

"..Yes." 

"Lifestream." he told her, without another thought. Like an insect drawn to a light, his eyes were drawn to her face, half-hidden as it was behind her shoulder. 

Her head snapped up to him when he said it. "We're at heaven's door, then." 

"I suppose you could put it that way. Don't know if we're dead, though." 

_Either way, we're together, _he thought, and hated himself for it. 

"So, we're waiting." Tifa concluded. There was an edge in her voice, but he couldn't figure out what it was. 

"I don't like this. Having no control in the matter, not being sure whether I am alive, or I just think I am, afraid of what might happen next.. what?" She asked Cloud as she saw his brow furrow. 

"That sounds exactly like me, from about five years ago up until five months ago." 

She blinked at him. "What-" 

"After the Nibelheim fire. Sephiroth was missing, the townspeople were dead, you, Zack and I were fatally wounded. Zangan took you away and saved you. Hojo took Zack, and me, and ..saved.. us. He killed us off mentally, and eventually succeeded, partly because of our cellular material, in cloning the great general Sephiroth." Cloud paused because of the expression on Tifa's face. 

"What?" 

"I-I don't.." she tried in an unsteady voice. 

"I can remember bits of it. Can you imagine? Almost five years, and it's a thrill if I can remember more than five coherent minutes worth." 

"I'm so sorry, Cloud.." she whispered, wiping away a single tear as it trailed down her cheek. 

"Don't be." he replied. "I'm glad Zangan got you out of there. I'm afraid you wouldn't have survived some of the tests we went through." 

She closed her eyes. "But.." _but Cloud.. you weren't.._

"Hojo was amazing, you know. That man so easily did inhuman things to people -kids. He himself wasn't human anymore. I'm afraid I learned a lot from him." 

"What do you mean? You're trying to say you were ever like Hojo? Because you -" 

"No. not that way. I would never be able to do those kinds of things to people. I just mean that, whenever I was conscious, I was fascinated by his coldness, his coolness. I believed nothing would ever hurt him because he never let it. And I decided to be like that as well." 

"Cloud.." 

"Tifa -it doesn't matter." _Nothing does._

"How can you say that! Of course it does!" 

"My life is over, Tifa. I'm not going back." 

"You're only twenty-one years old, for God's sake. How.." she stopped mid-sentence and started to cry, out of sheer exhaustion and inability to handle the situation at hand. 

Cloud observed her expressionlessly. It was lovely, and upsetting, to see her cry. Like poetry. She didn't sob or cry out or moan or make any sound whatsoever. Her breathing became shallow and uneven and her frame shook. Tears drew shadows and glistening streaks down her face. Her arms were wrapped around her middle. Her hands were white as they clutched her sides. 

On an impulse, Cloud reached out and took her hand. 

"You're cold." he remarked softly, and took her hand more firmly. "Where are your gloves?" 

"I.. took them off when I found you." 

".. Why did you want to stay with me?" 

"Because."   
_Because I love you? Because you are the singlemost important thing in my life to me? The most important in the world?_

'Because' was enough. For now at least. He didn't release her hand. She didn't mind. 

* 

Tifa and Cloud sat across from eachother, knees touching where they had their legs crossed beneath them. 

"So.. why are you dressed like that anyways?" There. He had asked it. 

Tifa blinked at him in surprise. Then looked down and slowly turned beet red. "I -I.. oh, because.. it's terrible.. well.. it's basically because, this way, I, um, attract more customers to the bar." she blurted the last bit and glanced up at him rather embarrassedly. 

Cloud started to laugh. 

"It's not funny!" she exclaimed, trying very hard not to laugh herself. 

"Yes, it is, it's incredibly funny -I can just see all those guys crowding to get in there, just because.." he didn't finish his sentence because he was laughing too hard. 

"Shut up! Stop it!" she cried, grinning. 

He wiped his eyes and forced himself to stop. "Okay.. why are you still dressed like that now?" 

"Doh. I haven't been back since before I posed as a prostitute to get into Wall Market -these were my spare clothes." she said, shaking her head and smiling at him. The smile faded. "Besides." she continued, softer now. "Heaven was destroyed when the Plate fell, remember?" 

Cloud nodded quietly, suddenly serious. "Where ever you go, Tifa, your home is taken away from you." 

"Kinda like you, huh?" 

He only looked at her, and his lovely blue eyes engulfed her. She watched him breathlessly. Those eyes could hold so much emotion, even if their expression was one of cold or anger. They both remained silent for a very long time. 

"So.. you really don't feel uncomfortable, wearing those clothes?" 

Tifa hit him. "Shut up!" 

"Oww." he exaggerated, dramatically grabbing his shoulder. 

"Big baby." she scoffed. 

"Short baby." he countered. 

"I am so not short!" she immediately protested, and jumped up to prove her point. 

He stood up as well, and looked down at her. 

She straightened. "See, I come out just a bit above your shoulder!" 

"Ergo, you're short." 

"No, I'm not, you're just really tall." She shook her fist at him. 

"Face your defeat, Tiff. Your new nickname is 'Human Being who Lacks in Height.'" 

Her mouth opened but she was left wordless at the smirk on his face. She didn't say anything for a while. Cloud noticed her expression change. 

"The way I'm dressed bothers you, doesn't it?" she inquired quietly. 

His eyes met hers, then trailed down her figure and lingered there for a more than a moment. "I don't think _that's_ how I'd put it.." 

She snickered. "Ecchi." 

He grinned. "I'm not bothered by the way you're dressed, Tifa, I just can't help thinking that this, for instance, is why you always have cold hands."   
He emphasized this by taking one of her hands, which, indeed, was cold. 

"Thank you." Tifa said. "Because yes, it is why my hands are cold. And it does make me uncomfortable. It's dreadful, fighting with a short, tight skirt. Every time I kick, I have to hope no one is looking up the damned thing." 

Cloud snorted, refraining from replying that _he_ didn't mind that too much. He looked down, and his attention was caught by the hand in his. Soft and small and slender, Tifa's hand held the same pale, nearly translucent skin quality the rest of her body did. Her nails were cut short, but they were smooth and clean. 

He realised she was staring at him. Quickly, he pressed his palm against hers.

"Look, even your hands are short." he joked. She laughed as she saw how the tops of his fingers could easily curl over hers. 

"Thanks." she said, looking up at him, "For reassuring me about.. me. Sometimes I feel like a prostitute anyways." 

"You're not, and that's what's important." he told her. And after a pause, "But you know, when you were a prostitute, you -" 

"-what?" she nearly snapped. 

"Wall Market," he clarified quickly, the innocent expression on his face daring her to hit him. 

"Oh.. Wall Market." 

"That dress you were wearing looked really good." 

"That shiny red thing? With the long gloves?" 

"Yeah. The red one." _Jesus, it's an actual dress she'd worn before..I really am pathetic, imagining her and fantasizing about her with every different outfit I see her in. _he thought to himself. 

"yeah, that dress was cool. I'd just hate to imagine what it would be like if I had been wearing that, instead of this.. imagine battling Sephiroth in this.." 

"Having to fight Sephiroth wearing that dress? More like protect yourself from him and his wedding proposals." 

"Sephiroth marry me? Now there's a disturbing thought." 

"What about the relationship with your Mother-in-law?" Cloud grimaced. 

"Oh, I'm sure we could learn to put up with each other.." Tifa burst out laughing. "We're terrible. We shouldn't be joking about stuff like that.." 

"There isn't really anything we can do about it at the moment, anyways." 

"I know.." 

They were both silent for a bit. 

"Cloud," Tifa urged, all of the sudden, "please.. come back with me, help me find our way out of here and return to everyone? Promise you'll stay with me, and help me!" 

The radiance in his eyes clouded over almost immediately. His jaw set. "I'm not going back, Tifa." His voice chilled her. "I can't go back after all I've misdone." 

They had been holding hands the whole time. They both realised it and simultaneously pulled away. She turned her back to him and started to run into the dark. Hide her frustration, hide her tears, hide herself. 

"Tifa!?" he yelled after her._ What..?_

"Even if you don't come with me, I'm going to find the end of this world!" she shouted back, and never slowed. 

Cloud watched her go. As always, he was filled with guilt and sorrow towards her. "Come back safe." he murmured and sat down, and began to comtemplate what his life had summed up to so far. He always ended up with the same answer. 

Pain. 

*

Brief A/N: Yes, I know Tifa's hooker lady dress was originally blue and Aeris' was red, but honestly, red looks better on Tifa. 


	6. Metaphorically Speaking

Chapter VI; Metaphorically Speaking, or, of the Fear called Abandonment

Tifa hovered near more darkness, strangely content in feeling shielded, in how the dark shielded her. 

How far had she run? Where was she? Or did she just think she had been running away, was Cloud still sitting there, right behind her back? 

She spun around but she saw no golden-haired, glowing boy stubbornly watching her. Panting, she realised she had lost her way. What direction had she come running from? 

She shook her head in frustration._ Enough._ But as she saw the situation she was in... 

An old Fear, a dusty, deathly playmate that had been decomposing in the corner of a deserted attic for a number of years which not even Tifa was sure of, an old Fear sprang out at her like out of a Jack-in-the-Box. The long, spindly fingers on its bony hands spread out to welcome her back into its macabre grip. The grimace it wore widened as the hands folded themselves around Tifa's throat. 

The very first time Tifa had found this monster living within her, she had been quite young. Her parents had taken her to the Gold Saucer because it was her fifth birthday. Imagine the terror, the inconsolable sorrow of a toddler discovering her parents had vanished off the face of the earth, and she had instead been following a complete stanger, wearing Mom's red skirt! By the time her parents had regained possession of their daughter from a rather confused woman in a red skirt, she had been too upset to be able to enjoy anything else that day. It had felt as if a Fear had pulled her up and down long, brightly illuminated corridors, assuring her that her mommy and daddy would be behind one of the many locked mahogany doors. 

Tifa smiled shakily and sat down, wishing there was a wall to rest against. Only being able to sit on a floor of rather lacking materials did get on one's nerves after a while. She had never really given much thought to that day, fifteen years ago. But down (up?) here, in this world where everything seemed to vibrate and burst with life -while all that could be seen was silence -everything normally subconscious to Tifa became startlingly clear and important. 

She began to wonder if that ancient Fear of hers had only just come into existence that day at Gold Saucer, or if it had simply come out of its hibernation that day. Because after that.. after that, she remembered it smothering her at least three or four times. 

When her mother had died, she had been grief-stricken. What does a young girl do without her mother? The spiderleg fingers of the Fear had curled themselves around the back of her head, tickling her temples. She could remember herself, trying to lose the Fear by walking, simply walking. But the Fear had clamped to her head tighter, and whispered a promise in her ear that it would stay with her. It did -it was there to watch over her during the walk, during the fall, in the coma. She had lived with darkness creeping in at the corners of her eyes. 

After she had learned to live without her mother, all had been well until she was invited by Cloud to meet him at the well one night. The moment he had asked her -he had seemed rather nervous about talking to her, but then, Cloud had never been the kind to write a note -she had felt the Fear come scuttling back. 

As Cloud spoke to her of his future plans, she had felt the fear clamber up her legs to her back like a sickly chimpansee, where it stretched its fingers and then began to push painfully through the soft skin of her back until its hands were wedged painfully beneath her shoulderblades, gliding, slick with blood and forebearing, towards her heart to clench down.. that was when Tifa had pleaded Cloud to promise her something. The Promise, _the_ Promise, the Promise that defeated the neccessity of the existence of all other promises. His answer, at first hesitant but eventually much more certain, caused the Fear to paralyze and then pull itself out of her, and fall and hit the ground in pieces, skitter away sulkily. _He would be there for her._

The promise had kept the Fear entirely away from her for a good two years, until she lost her father and her village to a madman. Despite Cloud's brief presence and rescue, when she had thought she was most certainly going to die within the following ten minutes, the event had so severely shaken her that Fear had felt welcome enough to bring along his friends, Hatred, Vengeance and Panic, and they had a hell of a good time, the four of them running amok in a fifteen-year-old's brain. Reeling from too many blows, the way Zangan took leave of her as soon as he felt certain she was in good hands had only pushed her farther away. 

And then she had been alone. Zangan had been the one person she had had left from her normal life, her life past. She hadn't ever seen Cloud again, since he had found her at Sephiroth's mercy. She wondered often where Cloud was, but it brought too many difficulties along to think too deeply of him; the scars had only just formed over the fresh gashes.   
As soon as she could, Tifa had forced herself back into normal life again. It had never been like her to revel in her own misery, or enjoy the dazed feeling it let pass over her. But the scorpion tail lodged in her heart remained there, waiting for the next chance to spread its seeds. 

Now was the time, it seemed. Tifa's breathing had changed, she found, become uneven and ragged as the Fear tangled itself in her hair, suckled itself like an infant at her breast, feasted on her tears though she had none. Yes, the Fear had returned, simply because the Promise that had shackled most of the Fear down in a dungeon, seven years ago, that Promise had just been altered, remade into an Assurance. _He would NOT be there for her now._ Not anymore. The shackles had been lifted, and now the Fear, newly freed and strengthened, had returned to taunt her, haunt her, wreck her with the same words -forever the same words..

'You're all alone now, no one is with you,  
You're not important now, no one that loves you,  
You're going crazy, no one that cares for you,  
You're all alone now, it's all your own fault!'  


the Fear sang its nursery rhyme, grinning its brown teeth bare at her, swinging rudely off the tip of her mahogany ponytail. 

Tifa let out a sigh, the way she always had when trying to convince herself of the stupidity of the whole thing. She tried again.  
_This whole thing is stupid,_ she decided.  
"This whole thing is stupid," she said, now firmly, and out loud. A porcelain smile cracked on her face.  
"I mean, come on, you're thinking of two abstract definitions, 'fear' and 'promise' in capitals! Tifa Lockheart, you are not a character from the House at Pooh Corner. Stop behaving like a retard." 

But there was no one there to hear her, and she held her hands up in front of her eyes to make sure she could see them. Tifa didn't want to be blind. 

'About that Promise..' Fear whispered in her ear, its foul-smelling breath blowing hot in her neck. She missed Cloud, badly already. He seemed to keep her sane..  
'Too bad you can't return that favor,' the Fear jeered. Her sight grew dim and she wanted to flick Fear and the rising Panic off like annoying lice before they could bore themselves a way into her skull. 

Nonetheless, she hung her head, feeling helpless and limp. And though she didn't enjoy this feeling, she accepted it for now. 


	7. Dreaming

Chapter VII; Dreaming

Cloud's lips pressed together into a thin line. They were dry. He licked them tentatively. 

_ Where had she gone? _

He knew she was still quite upset with him, and he regretted the fact that he could not go back with her. He closed himself off to the part of him that was screaming for him to. 

He knew she didn't want to see him. But her wishes were not his priority right now, her safety was. He sighed as he kept going, down a randomly chosen, invisible path. 

_ Who knows, I might be walking farther and farther away from her. _

He _knew_ she was quite capable of taking care of herself, thank you very much, and had been capable for many years already. He still wanted to protect her, though, ridiculously enough. All this time later, she was still the pretty little fairy who could play him like a marionette, play him wild, play him from a thousand miles distance. 

"Cloud." 

His eyes widened in recognition of the voice. He spun around, unable to hide the relief he felt spreading though him. 

"Cloudcloudcloudcloudcloud." she chanted, as if reciting a poem of which there was no metre. 

He grew uneasy. Her face was _different_. Her skin, it looked like it didn't belong on her, wan and green-tinged. It wasn't her smile she was smiling. 

"It's just a name, you know," Tifa said. "The name of a boy I knew a long time ago, in Nibelheim. It's all I can remember. He died. He died- he made me a promise but he couldn't keep it." 

"No, Tifa, please.." Cloud shook his head desperately. "It's not true, Tifa, I'm right here.." 

"He died," Tifa said, shrugging at him. 

Cloud sat up, gasping for breath. He wiped cold sweat off his forehead. He hated dreams. 

He stood up after regaining his breath. Sheathed his sword and walked in a chosen direction. Somehow he knew which way to go.   
After not too long, he found her. She was curled up, sitting on the ground, slender legs drawn close to her. It made him smile. He figured he could probably hold her simply by wrapping one arm around her, the way she was sitting now. 

He couldn't tell if she was awake or asleep. On an impulse, he sat down behind her and ran an ungloved hand through her hair. 

No reaction. 

He loved her hair, long and soft, a silly curl at the tip. He ran both his hands through it gently, carefully untangling small knots. He found it very restful to do so. At the same time, he had to keep himself from laughing. _Imagine the look on Barret or Cid's face. If they ever see me like this, I'll be christened Sissy-boy for the rest of my life. _

He vaguely remembered how to make a braid -Tifa had even taught him that, in some distant childhood- and he tried it out with her hair. He carefully hung the braid over her shoulder, and then looked at her back. 

_ The back of a woman is one of the loveliest things there is_, he thought vaguely as he ran a finger down her spine. 

He suddenly realised that, at any other moment, he would have hated himself for doing this. _If you don't plan on going back, why put yourself through this? You're only making things more difficult._

He shook his head, fed up with himself for the so-manieth time that hour. The only part of his life that made him feel good was sitting in front of him, fast asleep. 

* 

He was dead, they were all dead. She felt Anger and Hatred piling themselves up like bricks to form a wall around her. Anger and Hatred to build, to cover Anguish and Despair. 

She had run all the way to the Reactor, and found her father lying there, Masamune protruding from his bloodied chest. Her father, dead. She had knelt down beside him and whispered a promise, a pledge for revenge. Pulling the sword cleanly out of him, she continued on. He was dead, they were all dead. 

There he was, the crazed general, coming down those stairs... She stormed at him, sobbing and screaming at the same time, tears blinding her, sword held high.  
In a fluid motion Sephiroth had taken back his sword and slashed her with it.

What an incredibly odd sensation, she thought dully as she fell down the stairs she had charged up moments ago. Feeling your skin being pierced, your flesh torn away... 

The warmth of her own blood licked at her fingers as it flowed out rythmically. She hadn't the strength to press down on it. She laid there, staring up glassily. She became very aware of her own breathing, uneven, coming in in gasps, going out in coughs. After a while, she realised there was someone else in the chamber filled with the large tanks, someone else having difficulty breathing. She wanted to get up and go to them, but she couldn't feel her legs anymore. She wanted to say something to whoever it was, but she was afraid she might choke in her own blood. She stayed still. 

After a small eternity, something in the room changed, somebody walked in. She heard two soft voices, one urgent, one half-dead.   
Then, as she struggled to keep any darkness from creeping in, a pair of eyes appeared above her, and met hers in shock. 

"Oh my God, Tifa.." A voice, somehow familiar, whispered. Strong arms lifted her and carried her. She felt she were the child in the Rockaby, Baby nursery rhyme. She felt she were lying in a boat on a warm spring day, the waves kindly cradling her. 

Then she was carefully leaned against a cold wall. She felt something like rain touch her skin, and the gash that was slowly claiming her life began to sting. She found a little strength to move her head, and she saw blond hair glinting in the coppery reactor light. 

"I'm so sorry I let this happen to you." The voice murmured sadly. 

"Cloud..?" It had to be. 

A small smile. 

"You're gonna be fine, Tifa. Just stay here, don't move. I.. I should be back soon." 

"..Cloud.." she started to cry. He had come. He had come to save her. 

He hugged her as carefully as he could and pressed a small kiss to her forehead. "I kept my promise once, already, see?" he smiled as he wiped away the tears on her cheeks, the blood on her lips. "I'll keep it again, as often as you need me too." 

A last caress, and he was gone. 

But Tifa remembered his words, and waited. When footsteps eventually hurried themselves to her side, she even managed a smile. But it wasn't Cloud. 

"We have to get you out of here." Zangan muttered and lifted her. He couldn't hear her protests.   
_ No! I have to wait.. wait for Cloud.._ then everything faded, and she felt she were lying in a boat on a warm spring day. 

Hands ran carefully along her back, warming her, putting her at peace. They found their way through her hair, untangling small knots. They trailed the straight of her spine and the round of her hips. She leaned backwards into the lap of whoever the hands belonged to. Fingers traced the line of her jaw up to her eyebrow and then down to her neck. It felt delightful. A shiver ran through her, and she found herself bare again. 

A single tear that leaked out of her closed eye, without a reason, really, was wiped away. She wished it had been kissed away, and she smiled. A little while later, she remembered who she was and she opened her eyes. 

She was lying in someone's lap. Cloud's lap. She looked up at him, his face a small distance away from hers. His eyes were closed. They opened as she raised a single finger and ran it along his lips. 

Half a smile cracked on his face and he took her hand, kissed it softly. It was the most thrilling sensation she had had in her life -_well, almost,_ she corrected herself as she recalled those lips on hers, a relatively short time ago. 

"You saved me, in Nibelheim." she murmured. Her fingers were still in his hand, her body was still in his lap, her heart was still in his kiss. "You kept me from dying." 

"Please don't leave me again." Was all he said. He was the only person she knew who could take words like that and then speak them so casually. 

"Cloud, I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you." 

His face didn't register any emotion other than a strange kind of peace. Then she realised she hadn't opened her mouth. Instead of trying again, she curled closer to him and stayed that way. He couldn't stop meeting his fingers with the soft of her skin. 


	8. Haunting

Chapter VIII; Haunting

Hope. It was such a fragile, futile thing, such a cruel thing to give to someone. It was the worst kind of drug, the kind smuggled in a caress, or a kind smile. It left its mark on you, and left you intoxicated for a lifetime before the high wore off and reality came into play. Such a terribly cruel thing hope was, indeed. 

Cloud Strife was not someone to take things such as love lightly. 

"Cloud." Tifa spoke to him without looking up. They were sitting half beside each other, half across from each other. "I need to know. Please tell me.." 

She took in a long shaky breath. In this lightless place, she wondered if she was even breathing in air, not just a memory of once having to breathe to sustain living cells in their endless cycle of creation and destruction. Perhaps they were all just memories, now.  
She knew he was regarding her intently. It was why she couldn't look up. Those eyes.. she couldn't build walls against them, she had tried and failed miserably; they had burned themselves into her memory and now she was nothing short of helpless when confronted with them. He haunted her even as he sat beside her and waited for her to ask her question. 

"Why won't you come back to the others with me?" 

He looked at her, too tired to keep any emotional masks up. If she hadn't already been in love with him, she would have fallen in love with him right there, just because of the look of sheer surrender on his face. He stood up, and began to walk away, and she followed him without a second thought. 

"There is too much I've misdone with this life.. I'm only twenty-one and there's already more blood on my hands than there will ever be on yours. I don't deserve to live." 

"What if you came back.. if only to win the Planet's safety from Sephiroth?" She knew her attempt was futile as soon as she uttered the words. 

He laughed humorlessly. "Can I be of any use in that battle? Do you think I'll be able to raise even a finger against him?" He shook his head, meeting her eyes, a sense of fatalism coming over him.   
"I was cloned after him, created in his image.." 

"Cloud, no," she blurted, "you said it yourself, that you were taken by ShinRa after the fire and you were kept for all those years, and they experimented on you.." Her shoulders sagged a little. "You can't be a clone.." 

_You sound as if you're trying to convince only yourself, _Cloud thought as he watched her, struggling. "I don't know, anymore.." he said truthfully, face slowly turning to stone. She recognized his barriers, how easily he put them up and she hated them.

"I thought it all happened to me, to.. to the real Cloud Strife, but now I don't know. Everything else about me has been proven wrong. Why would this be different? Just watched the truth come clear now -I'm just a clone, and a failed one at that." 

"No, no! It's not true!" Her outcry jarred some reality in him, a new smoldering unrest. "You're a human being.." she whispered. 

"Am I? Wouldn't the real Cloud Strife be able to resist mind possession by some supposedly dead insane general? Would the real Cloud Strife have glowing eyes, and be as strong as I am? The real Cloud Strife wouldn't have given the Black Materia to Sephiroth twice, wouldn't have let everyone important to him get hurt and killed, wouldn't have been such a goddamned bastard all around! If I am human, why am I so bad at living!?" he snarled, and spun away from her, if just to avoid the look in her eyes. 

"That's it then, that's why you refuse to go back." she murmured. The way she said it was restful and it disturbed him more than if she would have shouted at him. As if she had given up on him.   
_Didn't you want to be given up on? Isn't that exactly what you had expected from everyone? _ he asked himself angrily. But he knew the answer. _Not by her._ He had never wanted to be given up on by her. What an idiot he was. Now she knew the truth, and she hated him, that was only natural. But it still hurt him more than ever. 

"I guess what we have to do next is.." 

_What, Tifa? Scream at me, tell me how terrible a non-human I am?_

"Figure out how to get some self-confidence back into your poor mind, get your shit together, go back to the rest of them, kick Sephiroth's ass, save the Planet, get married, have kids, and live happily ever after." 

The expression on his face after her words must have been priceless, because she started to laugh that sweet laugh of hers. Half wanting to ask if maybe she meant _them_ when she said get married and have kids, he ended up not knowing how to react. Especially not when she walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him tightly. A soft kiss pressed to his cheek and he felt himself begin to blush, because it was her, and he had imagined her doing that. The same lips whispered, "I'm not going to let you slip away." And she pulled away, eyes meaningful and on him. 

He swallowed, wanted to swallow again, wanted to kiss her, wanted to run away, wanted to propose to her and make love to her and wanted to beg her to stop and to never turn her gaze to him again. 

"And what if I do slip away?" asked Cloud hoarsely. That was all he did. He wondered if the real Cloud would have followed up on that proposal thing. 

"You are a human being, Cloud Strife is your name. You are twenty-one years old, one year older than me. We grew up together in a village, miles away from where ever we are now. I.. I remember you. Do you remember me?" 

Her voice had a warm timbre to it, and he found himself wondering, strangely enough, what her singing voice would be like. Somehow, her voice caused some bell to ring in his mind, something making him want to pay as close attention to her as he possibly could, wanting not to miss _anything_. Her face had that same effect on him, that he just couldn't keep his eyes off of her unless he tore himself away. He wondered if it had something to do with puberty, then remembered with relief he had been out of puberty a good couple of years now, and then wondered if that actually counted, if he was in truth a five-year-old clone. 

"Do I remember you?" 

Half of him wanted to stay wallowing in his dark and sorrowful mind, stay away from her and her question. But the other half saw the light this girl was shining, shining for him, for no one else, and he wanted to be warmed by her, the way he felt she had warmed him before. There seemed to still be a glimmer of hope in his soul that he really was Cloud Strife after all. And so he plunged himself into what felt like a bucket of half melted ice and hard liquor, searching through murkiness and blurs for anything that could be called a memory. 

A smile appeared on his face. Tifa resisted the urge to kiss him fiercely, and wondered whether this attraction they were feeling, clinging so thickly between them it seemed they had been bombarded with honey, really was mutual, because she wasn't blind, and had noticed Cloud's behavior somewhat, and compared it to her own. She debated whether or not their behavior towards each other had changed because they were stuck down here together, or that perhaps they had just both been rather blind about the whole thing before now. 

The smile on his face didn't vanish. "Yes, I remember you." 

"Tell me your memories of me, Cloud." She loved this. She had always dreamt of hearing him out about herself (more so dreamt of hearing him out about Aeris and Jessie, but one couldn't be picky). Who knows what would come of this. 

"Where should I start?" 

A thought struck her. "When you saved me in Nibelheim, after Sephiroth had attacked me, where had you come from? You weren't there before.." But she immediately remembered what he had told at Kalm, that he _had_ been there.. "Oh.." _No, no._. the first thing she had started about could prove his soul dispensable, because he seemed to have no idea of what had really happened. 

He looked down. "I wasn't? I.. remember being there. I remember how you were the guide to the reactor, I remember that picture being taken of us.." A frown appeared on his face. "Back at the Crater, Sephiroth said I was never there.. Tifa?" 

She was shaking her head, not looking up at him. "I'm sorry, Cloud, but.. you weren't there, that picture was taken of Sephiroth, me, and a SOLDIER named Zack. You weren't there, I hadn't seen you at all until you whooshed in and saved my life." 

"How could I have remembered all of that without having been -Oh." Cloud's frown had changed to a look of thoughtfulness. "Zack..? I know that name.. he was there too." He suddenly looked at Tifa, blue eyes fearful but purposeful. "I was there, and you're right, I wasn't on that photograph. I was one of the guards that accompanied Zack and Sephiroth, who were the representatives from SOLDIER." 

"One of the guards..? You mean you were there, but you were -" 

"Wearing a helmet the whole time. Of course you didn't recognize me. I did it on purpose, I didn't want you to know I was there.." 

"What? Why not?" 

He heard the insulted tone in her voice and shook his head. "I didn't want you to see what a failure I was -I never was able to join SOLDIER, Tifa, I was refused. I was only a guard when we came to Nibelheim, and ashamed to death about it." 

"Then that's what you meant when you said you hadn't seen me in five years; I was thinking seven. I -oh, dear.." 

His eyebrows raised. "What, oh dear?" 

The look on her face was one of embarrassment, and she was readily flushing a deep red color while still managing to look very charming about it. 

"Were you the guard who had to keep me outside, while the others went into the reactor?" 

He nodded. "Yeah, that was me, but I don't really remember any details about it.." 

The look of guilt on her face was bringing him close to laughter. 

"I kicked you down the stairs at one point so I could go inside anyway." she confessed in a tiny voice. 

He looked at her in disbelief. "You kicked me? I always thought I had fallen.. do you know you almost broke my neck there?" he exclaimed, but his face revealed amusement as he shook his head. "Anyways.." 

She pushed herself to focus on the larger revelation instead of the one of kicking the love of her life down the stairs five years ago. What a strange couple they were. 

"What happened afterwards?" she asked softly, wondering if he would remember how he had repeated the promise to her as she had lain there, half-dead but feeling strangely alive.. 

"When I came to after my fall down the stairs.. I went down to the village first, because the reactor seemed deserted.. then I realized you were still there.." He glanced at her and she bit her lip.  
"I ran back to the reactor, and inside. I saw your father lying there, dead." He glanced at her again to judge her reaction, and when he knew it to be steady, continued.  
"I kept going, and in the room with all the tanks I found you and Zack there, you were both dying. You really scared the shit out of me there, you know that? I was sure I was going to lose you, you were so far gone. I cast all the cure spells I could on you, but it didn't seem to help all that much.. then Zack called me over and told me to get back at Sephiroth for doing all he had. I was more than ready to kill Sephiroth after all he had done, believe me.. I took Zack's sword and ran after him. I ran into Zangan, and sent him to you. He did what he could for Zack but couldn't take him with him, I guess.." 

"What happened between you and Sephiroth?" she demanded, feeling adrenaline coursing as if it were happening now and not almost two thousand days ago. 

Cloud's eyes narrowed as he tried to clear out his head. "I confronted him. I faced him in the room just as he was uncovering Jenova.. I don't know if it's because I was so mad I was more focused than ever on my sword and how much damage I could possibly do to him, or if he was just so wrapped up in the discovery of his mother and his origins that his swordplay had become sloppy.. what it came down to was, I actually had come close to defeating him." Cloud cracked a rueful smile and surprised Tifa by suddenly taking his navy sweater off, and the shirt under it. She couldn't help but stare at his bare chest, and consider how, if this had been a cartoon, she would have turned spontaneously into a wolf and started to howl. Luckily, her concentration wasn't easily lost, and she focused herself on what he was doing. He pointed to a specific scar on his abdomen, oblivious to her prior, less than holy thoughts.  
"This is where he stuck that goddamned Masamune through me. If it had been half an inch to the left he would have hit two vital organs and I wouldn't have been sitting here, shirtless and well."

"Sephiroth impaled you on his sword..?" she asked softly. She had always known she was someone who could visualize things easily; now she cursed the fact. Tears threatened as she visualized Sephiroth cruelly driving that sword, the sword which she had clutched moments earlier, through Cloud. 

He nodded, unaffected by the concept the way she was. "I lived, which was fantastic enough by itself. What was really spectacular, if you ask me, is how that actually worked to my advantage."  
He noticed the pallor her face had taken and tried to reassure her by smiling. He didn't want her to look as if she was about to faint. He took her hands before he continued. "Are you alright?" 

She nodded curtly, and though he wasn't completely satisfied, he continued. "Sephiroth was very poorly concentrated at that moment, and clinging to his sword. I kind of gasped and tried to pull it out of me, but couldn't because his grip on it was so firm.. I managed to lift the sword and him with it, and we were standing on this flimsy bridge over a great pool of mako, so I tipped him over the edge and he fell in, simple as that.. after which I collapsed miserably on the floor of course." 

Her hand was covering her mouth as she stared at him, slowly recovering from the shock. "Hey, it's okay, Tifa, it was five years ago, it's alright." 

She took in a deep breath, marveling at how her breathing could be steady. "I can barely believe you're still alive, Cloud." 

He shrugged. "Am I?" 

"Oh no, please, don't start again, Cloud, isn't it obvious that you're human, that you are a living being!?" she exclaimed, shaken from the hope that this whole ordeal would be over soon, as he could remember all of this. 

His eyebrows went up in a 'who knows?' expression. "There isn't anyone to confirm that whole story of mine.._ this_ is how I remember it, but who knows, maybe one of Hojo's assistants fed me that one day, out of sheer boredom. You were there, but, well, half-dead. Zack, Sephiroth, well, dead." He realized he still had her hands in his, but didn't let go. "It is true that it has helped, but it's not what I'm looking for.. Tifa!?" 

She leaned forwards, crying into his chest. She wanted to scream at him, lash out at him, kick him, apologize to him, beg him to give her another chance, she wanted to die in his arms right now and let this whole bloody case be done with. She didn't want to cry anymore; how weak he must think her!

He took her face in his hands and carefully kissed away the tears that had cleared their way down smooth cheeks. "Tifa, I'm sorry.. please.. don't give up on me yet.." he pleaded, finding that this alien emotion was stronger than he had expected. He did _not_ want her to leave him behind. He was growing afraid of himself as he felt himself, gently kissing her face. He wanted to, but he didn't deserve to.. she was so far above him, so unreachable, the thought he would be allowed even to long for her was ludicrous.

But it didn't stop him, ludicrous though it was, from trailing his kisses down to her mouth, where their lips met with such tenderness and forebearing it was as if meant to be. 


	9. Kissing

Chapter IX; Kissing 

Do you know the feeling, when you're so enraptured in something, when something new has become so automatic within ten seconds, that you forget who you are, you exist only in the moment? 

Cloud Strife was kissing Tifa Lockheart. 

Tifa found herself comparing this kiss to the one they had shared such a long time ago in her bar. That kiss had been shocking, world-breaking, lush and devastating. She had never much cared for kisses before, she knew, not with the other men she had shared them with. A kiss would feel like a slap across the face, or a melting popsicle shoved in, but never like when he kissed her, never so soft, and cruel because it was so delicious. Her breath had become uneven, like her heartbeat perhaps. She sank away into the kiss, leaned herself into him, longing for whatever this feeling was to strengthen. 

Cloud wasn't even thinking anymore. The very deepest part of him, the part he hid away carefully, even in sleep, that part was on the surface now. He was kissing Tifa. There was some faint hissing in the back of his mind, a snake for a conscience, telling him it wasn't the time, wasn't the place, wasn't the right thing to be doing. 

_Who cares. _

He had dreamt of this moment, perhaps mostly due to rampant hormones, but it had become part of him none the less. Kissing Tifa. If he had told himself a week earlier this would have happened, he would have laughed (and then cried). This was a dream come true, a fantasy come alive, a pleasure finally encountered. Kissing Tifa. Actually feeling her, her lips, her tongue, the soft skin between her ear and her jaw where his hands were keeping her his. He felt ecstatic, he felt relieved, felt very, very excited about the whole thing. Hadn't realized any of it yet, though –kissing Tifa.. 

As it wore on, something neither of them wanted to end but undoubtedly would deny so later on, Tifa found herself emerging on a new sort of level of consciousness. She became aware of every emotion and sensation running through her. This kiss, it was just happening. It was the last thing, clearly, either of them had had on their mind. Imagine going from the conversation they were having, to_ another _emotional outburst on her side, to.. well, to this. 

_This can't be real. This can't be happening._ Cloud's mind had slowly started functioning again. Sadly enough, though, it kept running around in tiny circles. It took him a very long time, as far as thoughts go, to let go of the particular one that he just couldn't believe.. he was actually kissing her.  
His next thought was, _I don't have the right to be kissing her. She deserves someone human, someone trustworthy.. not me.._  
But for the first time, he actually felt his stomach jerk, felt his instinct object strongly. He was lying to himself, and the truth came rushing to him. 

_I don't want to be left down here by her, I want to come back with her, I want to be whole again. I want to save this world. I am the one that caused what is happening now. I –I should be the one to stop it. I want to watch her live.. even if she finds someone who she loves, and I can only love her from around the corner, at the top of the stairs... I want to see her, see how lovely she is every day.. I wish I were human. I wish I hadn't screwed up so much.. _

He rebelled, for the first time, against the thought that he _had no right_. Something had flicked a switch in him, telling him he should have a right, he could have any right if he proved himself. 

_ Even.. even if I am a clone, a failed one.. originally created for the purpose of killing, what can I be denied? Why.. why can anyone deny me the right to live, even if my life is artificial? Why can't I tell this woman I love her, and why can't I hope she might love me too? _

A war was waged inside of Cloud Strife, a small tempest, a torrent of ideas and emotions dismissed as quickly as they offered themselves. 

He was the fault of many things. Sephiroth had managed to destroy much because of Cloud's weakness, he had let many people get hurt, now he had discovered a young man named Zack had been killed because of him.  
But perhaps he could try to set things right. The least he could do was try. 

He wondered briefly how Tifa would respond to a marriage proposal. 

Cloud didn't know what to do exactly, but right now there was only one thing he wanted to do. Keep kissing the girl he held now in his arms. The kiss had grown from tiny and careful to long and sweet and cautious, and was still growing. He couldn't stop, but he didn't seem to notice any objection from her, if only hesitation. It was still soft and slow, and though to Cloud it seemed it had been going on for ages already, it hadn't, of course. It wasn't all that long, as of yet, when going by the average kiss. 

To Tifa, it seemed like it had been only a heartbeat, a wink of an eye. And it didn't seem to be getting any longer, even as it continued. She was absolutely fascinated, standing rigid and yet totally relaxed in his touch. If it had been any other time and place, perhaps she would have considered it more didactically, going over each emotion and sensation separately. But now, she was in the Lifestream, and the recent events here had left her a bit unstable, if not near-maniacally distressed. So she let all of it hit her and wash over her softly, basking in the new, familiar warmth of this boy, this man she had never known. She imagined herself floating in the sea, the way she had when she was a young girl, going to the beach with her parents on a Sunday afternoon in august. She remembered how she would let herself drift, and the waves would come crashing towards her, bearing with them a sense of mildness. They would sweep her up, salty water splashing over her face and in her ears, which could be rather annoying, and in her eyes if she didn't shut them well enough. But it was thrilling and relaxing, deliciously fresh after basking in the sun on the white sand. The waves would carry her for a bit, she never knew how far, she would open her eyes eventually and paddle closer to shore to catch the next one. Her parents barely worried; she was an excellent swimmer. 

Though it was probably the most unromantic thing she could possibly do, she opened her eyes. When kissing with somebody else, do keep in mind, it means your face is very close to theirs, lips touching. This provides for very poor visuals. This being the case, all she perceived was Cloud's head, right in front of her, and a bit of his shoulders and arms too, since his hands were up holding both sides of her face. So she shut her eyes again, but was nonetheless jolted with reality. Even though they weren't in their actual bodies, as they had derived earlier, this was still a very real kiss. Very, very much so. 

_ Why is Cloud kissing me?_ Tifa wondered. Not that she minded all that much, but still.. Out of shock, she had forgotten to cry. Why had she been crying again? Oh yes, the whole thing about him not wanting to return.. then why was he kissing her? Trying to convince her to stay there with him? Making her confused before she left him, just for the hell of it?_ Whatever,_ she thought. _Not as if I'm not enjoying it. _

Suddenly though, she realised what would happen next, and pulled away from Cloud. 

_ No, oh no, you can't do that to me, Cloud.._ it ran through her head as they faced each other, longing for the warmth they had just shared but very ready to deny it. Cloud's expression was entirely open, eyes wide, fixed on her. She felt ready to grab him and pull him towards her, but didn't. 

Tifa turned away from Cloud, a flurry of emotions pouncing on her like a kitten wanting to play, to then discover it had evolved into a tiger and couldn't help but barrel her over, even with the best of intentions. 

_ Holy shit, what do I do now,_ she wondered, feeling increasingly stupid. Out of sheer disbelief and estrangement, she started soundlessly to laugh. 

All Cloud saw was her shoulders shaking, and he decided this was a good time to pretty much give up on life. 

"..Tifa..?" His voice was hoarse. 

"Oh my.. this sure puts a spin on things.." Was her, rather non sequitur-esque, reply. He didn't know she was afraid to meet his eyes. 

He kept his silence. She, however, did not. 

"Why did you just kiss me?" 

He let out a long breath, aware of the feeling that his innards had exploded and were now lazily oozing down into his boots._ Because I've wanted to kiss you forever and my self-control is down to zero at the moment, and because.. well, because it's you.. _he suddenly hated himself even more. He shook his head violently.

"Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have." 

She whirled around. "And why shouldn't you have kissed me?" she asked softly. Cloud got the distinct feeling that whatever he answered to this, it would be wrong. 

She regarded him, her eyes shining in the way of dark glass held away from light; you knew it held a colour to it, but all you could see was a timid, nearly cold glint, not holding any colour besides the promise that it could if it wanted to. 

She was scaring him. Everything was always scaring him, as of late. 

"You must know you're a very attractive young man," she said casually. "You must know of a few women especially attracted to you. Do you think you could name any? I could." 

He thought he might do well to keep his silence. 

"Could you describe your favourite type of woman to me, Cloud?" She went on, voice cold. "Long and slender, perhaps, light brown hair? Lovely, wide emerald eyes, a heart of gold, of virgin snow? Yes, I think you'd match a woman like that well. Don't really see what you're still doing with a slut like me.." 

He stared at her. "You're kidding, right?" 

"Hmm? About what would I be kidding, dear Cloud?" 

He shook his head, trying to clear it. She just looked at him, sadness and anger creeping over her face. She had had enough with it. When would she learn not to surrender herself like that? She always did, when it came to him. She was absolutely helpless, when it came to him. 

"I don't understand what you're talking about." he stated, face suddenly cold, blue eyes suddenly like ice instead of sunlit sky. Two could play this game. 

Bordeaux eyes bored into him. He felt awkward. He stood, shoulders squared, looking down at this girl who had managed to unsettle him again._ Why can't anything in this fake-life of mine go smoothly? _

"Why did you kiss me, Cloud?" she asked again. 

He remained silent. 

"I'm sure you've had chances, along the line- did you kiss Aeris, when you had the chance?" 

"No." 

"Why not? Didn't you love Aeris, Cloud?" 

His eyebrows shot up. 

"Isn't that why you've near-well lost your mind, Cloud? Because you let her die? Aeris, of all people? The one girl who was so beautiful and innocent you would give up everything just to see her smile? The girl-" 

"Stop it!" he ordered her roughly. She gave him a smug look of defiance, and continued on. He blocked out her voice and turned around. Why could she make him feel so incredibly stupid? How could she turn the kiss they had just shared against him? 

"Why would you kiss me if you loved Aeris Gainsborough, Cloud?" she demanded. 

"Damnit, I never loved Aeris!" he shouted back at her. 

"I don't believe you." 

"Why not? You've been the only one that has believed me, that has trusted me completely, during the past few months, why won't you-" 

"Yes, I have, of course I have, I'm your best friend!" He heard the spite in her voice, and the taunt. "I'm supposed to be the one that always supports you, I'm supporting you now with your choice in love, aren't I!?" 

"Tifa, please, stop being so unsubtly sarcastic and talk to me like a normal person-" 

"But Cloud, I don't feel like a normal person, why would I want to behave like one-" 

"Maybe because you're being really annoying at the moment, maybe because you're making no sense at all-" 

"Yeah!? Well maybe that's because I can't stand the idea of you being in love with Aeris!" 

He snarled, "maybe I'm not in love with Aeris, maybe I'm in love with you!" 

Tifa couldn't remember all that much after that, besides gasping for breath. 


	10. Absolutely Charming

Chapter X; Simply Charming, or, the Braces that Clicked 

He snarled, "maybe I'm not in love with Aeris, maybe I'm in love with you!" 

Tifa didn't do all that much, besides gasp for breath. 

"What did you say..?" she whispered, after an eternity drifted by, and her breath had made itself familiar with her lungs again. 

She wasn't crying; she wasn't shaking. She wasn't calm either. She stood only three feet away from him.   
Down here, nothing to lean on, no one to keep barriers up against besides each other (which they hadn't), it had become more natural for them to stand close by. Now she looked up at him, up at his face. As opposed to inexplicably, she was drawn to his mouth rather _explicably_. He _had_ just kissed her, after all. 

He looked back at her silently, angrily. His eyes seemed darker, he seemed years older. Still the most attractive man she knew. Then he just shook his head and closed his eyes. _Never mind_, his expression seemed to say. 

"..Cloud.." She didn't even know what she had wanted to say so she stopped again. She wondered about his name. She had never really thought about it, about the word that formed his name, because it was so automatic to use it. But his name was gentle and bittersweet, as was the description of the weather form, the compact mist that shared his name. Imagine naming your child Cloud. She wished she had known his mother better before she died. 

He saw her smile softly, and wondered who was losing it, her or him. Maybe both of them. 

She considered how he had just suggested that perhaps he was in love with her. She knew it was why she couldn't wipe this stupid grin off her face, even as it grew. 

"Do you know what you just said?" 

She asked him, trying to hide the glee from her voice. _The glee. _ Can you imagine? She wondered if she was about to have her period. She had never had mood swings quite like this before. 

But then.. when Cloud had kissed her the first time, she had responded similarly. She had near-well gone insane. 

"Do I realise what I just said.." he mused softly. "..of course I do. I regret saying it, at that." 

"Why?" 

_Do I even have to explain? _

He looked at her. 

He looked down. 

He looked up. 

He looked at her, her eyes, her hair, her lips, her body.. he remembered how, when she was nervous, she started biting her nails. He looked at her nails and saw they were ragged. He wondered why she couldn't stand the thought of him loving Aeris. He had the feeling the truth was bluntly obvious and he was missing something, but didn't know what. He had the sudden urge.. to.. 

He pulled her to him again. She sucked in her breath, but didn't break away. He bowed his head, so their faces were almost touching again. They looked at each other without meeting each other's eyes. 

"You know.. I used to have an incredibly humungous crush on you, when we were kids in Nibelheim." he said quietly. She stared at him, fascinated, clinging to his every word.   
"And.. when I left, and I had been with ShinRa for a few years, well, I thought it had just been a childhood crush, and it was over." he paused a moment, a frown creasing his brow.   
"I hung out only with the guys from SOLDIER, and we flirted around a lot then. But the childhood crush thing wasn't over like I thought, I found that out when I saw you again when I was sixteen. You had gotten even prettier than you were two years earlier. And I was a teenager. I fell in love all over again as you guided us through the mountains."   
Was it her imagination, or were their mouths coming ever closer? He continued, haltingly but with determination. "And after that.. I hadn't really thought of you for about four years, I hadn't really thought of _anything_ consciously." 

She found her hands creeping up to touch him, hold his face. Possibly, there was still some part of her that resolutely refused to believe that this could be real. Possibly, she was trying to reassure this part of her, by touching him, touching him, proving he was real. 

"I.. worked as a mercenary together with Zack as we travelled back to Midgar, but I got really sick at times still, so did he. I remembered you vaguely, but as someone I had cared for in the past and someone I would never see again. I thought you were dead. Zack was killed, and I got back to Midgar eventually. And found you there. Big surprise. Bet you hadn't expected to find me there. When you first found me.. I was thinking that you were -" 

"What about now..? What do you think of me now?" she breathed, drawing closer to his throat, his jaw. Her lips parted a little but didn't touch him. He was very aware of her, right there, right _there._

"I thought it was obvious." 

She leaned her forehead in the hollow between his Adam's apple and chest. She pressed a kiss lightly on the curve of his collarbone and his eyes widened meaningfully, and he succeeded in keeping her from noticing. 

They stood there like that for a while, at ease somehow, pretending not to know about all the bullshit they had been going through. 

And after a bit.. 

"Cloud, you fucking idiot." she said suddenly, sounding amused. 

"What?" Total confusion. And curiosity, that too. 

"You can't be a clone. How could you think you were a clone?" She pulled away from him and pulled up his sweater. Her fingers ran across his abdomen until she reached the scar that Masamune had made.   
"Here. This scar was made before you could have been 'cloned'. And a scar isn't part of your genetic material, it wouldn't have been cloned along with you. You're the real Cloud Strife because the real Cloud Strife got cut up by Sephiroth. You're real." 

A smile formed on his face. A Goddamned embarrassed smile. All that time he had been so afraid, so depressed, so convinced of his own non-existence. And here she was, helping him out of it in ten seconds with her simple logic.

"Thanks." he said, wondering if the heat in his cheeks meant he was blushing. 

"For what it's worth.. I wouldn't have cared if you WERE a clone. You're still the best thing that ever happened to me." she said, simply. 

He swallowed and now she wrapped her arms around him, her whole body pressed against him. If they weren't sharing such a gentle revelation, he would have been going mad with desire by now -wait.. he _was_ going mad with desire by now. But not.. -not just corporeal, but also this desire to tell her everything he had wanted to tell her, ever. No more truths, no more religions. Just who he was. 

"Tifa." he said roughly. "Tifa, I love you. I've loved you forever and I thought I didn't and I hoped I didn't because I thought that it was no use to love you; but I do, even if it is no use. I-" 

Her breath became happy, gaspy and shallow and excited and she pressed a thousand kisses everywhere she could. His lips, his chin, his jaw, his neck, his ear, his eye.. the two tears that came out of his eyes, the only two tears he had cried since he had seen a girl dying in a ShinRa Reactor a lifetime ago, those two tears she kissed away. Her tongue slid into his mouth and he met it readily. She had never really liked kisses that involved tongues, except for the three kisses she had now shared with Cloud, because they made her blood run cold and her flesh tingle and.. she just stopped thinking. They kissed, and this kiss again was different from the others they had shared. Passionate and true, no longer cautious or hesitant, because he knew now, and she knew, and they couldn't still this hunger they were feeling. 

Cloud Strife was kissing Tifa Lockheart. Tifa Lockheart was kissing Cloud Strife. 

* 

Something had changed. The atmosphere of waiting, of worrying and of searching had disappeared, and had been replaced by an atmosphere of rest. Tifa sat in Cloud's lap again, finding this was one of the most comfortable seating arrangements she had ever known. Cloud certainly saw no problem with it. 

Tifa mused of all sorts of things. She thought of what it would have been like, had they started 'dating' like teenagers did. She imagined them as if each were just a teenager, cheered on by their hurriedly whispering friends at the school dance, braces clicking against the other's in the Kiss (do note the capital K), half-wanting to pull away from the foreign, _moving!?_ thing, feeling its way in their mouth, but really much too excited to actually do that, and then do it anyway. And then stare at each other rather shyly for two people who just shared all sorts of bacteria and body fluids.. very unsure, rather disconcerted, very excited and even more in love. That would have been them had they been normal human beings with normal human lives.  
She sighed and wondered how much they really had missed. 

He was playing with her hair again. It sent small waves of warmth down her back. At one point he sighed and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind her, and rested his head on her shoulder. She put an arm up and caressed his face, gently resting her fingers on the nape of his neck. She thought to herself it was a very sexy part of the body, the nape of the neck. Though it sounded kind of stupid; the 'nape'. She wished she could kiss his (his 'nape'? Heh.) right now, but felt too lazy to actually get up. 

"Are you ready to go back to the surface yet?" 

"No." 

"Cloud." 

"NO." 

"Why not?" 

"Because." 

"Because what?" 

But at that point, the conversation kind of got lost because he started trailing kisses from her shoulder up to her neck, where he started to nibble on her ear. She laughed a little. This was absolutely marvellous. 

"Cloud." 

"Be quiet." 

"You know you're a great kisser when you're drunk?" 

"Eh? I wasn't drunk when I kissed you the first time." 

"Yes you were." 

"How could I have been drunk, we were down here.." 

"Mm.. stop it for a sec, I'm trying to talk to you.." she pleaded as he continued to kiss her. Interestingly enough, now he was focused mainly on the nape of her neck. 

"No.." 

She laughed. "If you don't stop.. I'll have to write for help.." and she laughed again. He didn't stop. She knew it was just to tease her. She started to squirm and his grip tightened a little.   
"Ah, okay. Anyways. The first time you kissed me actually, you wouldn't remember because you were drunk." 

He stopped, took her by the waist and turned her so she was facing him more. 

"Excuse me?" 

"It was right around the time you and Barret had done the first Reactor. You and the gang came back and got drunk off your asses at Heaven, and you kissed me." 

"With all of them standing there?" he asked incredulously. 

"No, silly, we were alone." 

"What kind of kiss? Like a peck?" 

"Nope. French like the fries. Lasted long, too." 

He groaned and buried his face in her hair. "Man.. I can't believe it, I got to kiss you and then _forgot_. Aargh. Was it a good kiss?" 

She smiled a little. "You have no idea." 

"What was it like?" 

She lifted her face to his, smile growing. His had already grown. 


	11. Saving

Chapter XI; Saving 

A sigh sounded in the middle of nowhere. 

"Mmm?" Cloud hummed, rolling over lazily. He found Tifa staring up at the blackness. She had a placid look on her face, perhaps a little wistful.

"I don't get it, Cloud.."

"What? What is it?" he asked, a slight sense of deja-vu coming over him. Hadn't a conversation of theirs started out like this before?

"Why.. why haven't we left here yet? What if we are stuck down here forever? What if the world already exploded and_ everyone's _stuck here like this?"

He pulled her to him, a soft smile on his face. "I'd like to consider it vacation.. I don't know. Maybe just because we're tired and need time off from the whole friggin' Planet. I am sure that there is still a Planet, anyways.."

Though the idea was appealing enough, they hadn't made love to each other, not down here. Somehow, while the kiss was within unseen boundaries, sex was not, and they had both felt it and accepted it (and sort of hoped they'd be out of here soon).

They were both silent for a long time, Cloud's face half-buried in between her hair and her throat, lips touching her. Tifa, again staring up at where she wished there were stars.

She knew his eyes were open.

"What are you thinking of?" she asked him.

"Sugarplums."

A smile trickled along the soft lines of her face.

"Do you know the feeling you get, when you repeat a word too often it loses its meaning?"

"Yeah." she whispered.

"That counts for my life right now. I've gone over everything in my head so often that I just don't know what anything means anymore."

She kissed him, suddenly exuberant at the realization she could kiss him whenever she wanted now. She laughed through the kiss, and he did too. 

"It's okay. All in good time, love. You'll find your way sooner or later, I'm sure of it." 

He looked at her. She couldn't help but start to feel a bit nervous with those endless eyes so.. totally interested in her. She couldn't help but grin, either.

"Are you really alright?" she asked him. 

"Yes. I really am. For the first time in a gazillion years. I.. I'm not looking forward to going back all that much, to tell you the truth. But at this point, the idea of facing Yuffie scares me more than that of facing Sephiroth."

Tifa's laugh was sweet, but he heard the sadness as it died away. 

"But yeah.. no more complaining from me, I promise. Besides, you'll notice firsthand.. I'll never be more than a few feet away from you anyway, when we get back up there." And he smiled at her.

"Cloud.. was Aeris in love with you? Did you ever.. consider loving her?" she asked abruptly. The indifference in her voice had been crafted, become normal after long years of protecting her innermost feelings as a priority. She needed to know this now. Now. He may know her feelings for him now, but she wasn't about to let anyone use those feelings against her, not yet.

He heard her craft. And he loved Tifa too much to betray her by lying to her. 

"Yes. I considered it once. I mean, I looked at her and I thought she was beautiful, and I thought she was attractive. But I knew I wouldn't actually love her. Even if you had never existed, even then.. she isn't really.. well, my type of girl. I just figure, thank God you exist." And his sincere eyes promised her something so real she forgot to breathe.

"Thank you." she whispered._ Thank you for making these years worth it. Thank you for being everything I dreamt you to be and more. Thank you for loving me too._

He hugged her closer, thrilled at the thought he could hug her and hold her and keep her and feel her and.. the thought of loving Aeris seemed even more ludicrous than it had before. 

* 

When he opened his eyes again, he was struck by blinding light. He felt suddenly swollen and shocked. His unconsciousness wanted to bury itself into her again, wanted to caress her.. where was she? He felt cold. He wanted to go back to the dark, he wanted to sleep again. He didn't want to wake up like this.. he found himself wondering briefly if this is what it felt like for a child being born. Chaos had ensued. He jerked to life when somebody poked him roughly, he coughed up numbingly cold liquid, coughed up so much of it he became nauseous and retched. There was nothing to vomit out, though. Voices hummed around him, if he hadn't felt so weak he would have raised his eyes and lifted his arms to chase away what he was sure were bees. Where was she? 

_Smack_. Ow. Damnit, that stung. Who hit him?

"Hello? Cloud? Cloud, come on, wake up!" Came a voice to match big rough hands shaking his shoulders. He wondered if he was supposed to know who's voice it was. He wondered if his own name might be Cloud.

Eyes opened and closed again immediately, refusing to get used to the harsh light. He imagined himself in the SOLDIER showers, early in the morning, trying to keep his eyes open so he could take his three-minute shower and be gone in time to get to training and not be late. He remembered how he had such a hard time staying awake if there wasn't any coffee or soda; he never was a morning person. Now he winced at the thought of drinking soda for breakfast at five-thirty in the morning. 

"Cloud, Cloud, where's Tifa? She was with you, where is she? I can't find her.. damnit, Cloud, wake up, we have to find her! Cloud, Tifa's gone!" 

That did the trick. 

He veered up, forcing his aching eyes open. Tifa! He looked over to where the shrill voice had come from.. Yuffie stared at him, eyes suspiciously red. 

"Well, finally!" she snapped, and sprinted off. Cloud turned and came face to face with Barret, whose eyes were narrow, his bushy eyebrows drawn tight. "Good to see you're still alive. But she's missing -we only fished you out of the Lifestream."

Cloud's mouth opened to speak, but nothing came out. He wanted to run, to dive back in and find her. He rose from where he was lying, but his legs wouldn't co-operate. He sank to the floor after two steps. He shook his head to clear it. Barret helped him up wordlessly.

Tifa.


	12. Drifting

~Interpose~

Chapter XII; Drifting 

She was drifting. 

Everything that had ever mattered to her was forgotten for now. You know how it is? 

fast asleep- 

and you've been so tired for so long 

and life is so bothersome! 

don't want to wake up 

she certainly didn't want to. 

Where there had been a warmth? 

It was gone now. Not that she felt cold, now. No, not cold, never cold, ever. Just that, that feeling, that wholeness that she remembered even as the memory faded, that warmth had been so delicious. 

She couldn't quite capture what had been the source of the warmth she had just lost. Her brow furrowed and her eyes shot back and forth beneath her eyelids. There was such a glow around her she felt her eyelids were transparent, and she could see through them even as they were closed. 

A faint image plucked at her hair, like a shy child waiting to be noticed. She wanted to turn around, but every time she thought she saw it, or had caught it in her field of vision, it had ducked around a corner again, not wanting to be seen. 

What was it? Not the caress of a mother, not the cuddle of a young child -not the tease of a sibling, not the embrace of a friend. No, she remembered being encircled by the arms of a lover. 

With the dawning of this realization she pulled together spastically, denying it, denying it, denying anything that could endanger her survival. 

She remembered how, in past years, past days, perhaps? she would fall asleep at night. 

_She sat up, reading, back leaned against the iron head of the bed. The light behind her shone tiredly, casting three silhouettes (from three different light bulbs) of the back of her head on the pages of her book. It was an old light, but she was lucky to have it, where she lived now, in the poorer -lower -half of Midgar. She put the book down -she was too tired to still read anyway. She had already reached her only reason to read. She only kept herself awake until her eyes fell shut, because that way, she would drop off to sleep immediately. No lying awake and thinking thoughts she always regretted in the morning. With winter in the slums, she gave her room to Marlene. The room had belonged to Marlene anyways, before she had joined the group. Marlene's old room wasn't well ventilated, it held heat easily, within its crumbling walls. She had insisted Marlene take it back for the winter. Marlene was only six, and she was already almost nineteen. She could handle a poorly heated room. She had not told Barret that in the winter her blood didn't circulate all that healthily, especially throughout her limbs. He didn't know she slept wearing her sweats, gloves, skiing socks and a scarf wrapped around her head, and that she still had to sit on her fingers for an hour in the morning before she could feel them again. _

She curled under the covers and ignored the shivers running down her body. She could never fall asleep when her toes and fingers were so cold they ached. She always became gaunt and pale in the winter, haunting the hall, and the kitchen, and the deserted bar all night long to keep her blood flowing. She sat in the window sill sometimes and pretended there were stars. 

She remembered the sensation of cold drawing itself up her back, and ticking the downy hair on her arms. It breathed on the back of her neck, and she slowly became colder and colder, even as she remembered it. Her arms wrapped around her own middle as she floated in moist green light. 

She remembered how she would walk outside sometimes, just to get that ever-present feeling of restlessness out of her subconscious. It would be pitch-black out, except for the occasional wan light of a street lamp that would accidentally still be working. She would watch her breath curl out of her mouth like unruly cigarette smoke, and a smile would curl out carefully, but also unruly, on her lips. She would practice blowing out ringlets of smoke -well, alright, not smoke, just breath, then -and sometimes even a laugh would shimmer out. She would enjoy herself, late night, early morning on the streets of sector seven. She would forget for a moment that she had no future, just as she had no past, and there was no love in her life, save a little girl and her rough father who had taken her under their wing. She would forget there was a Planet dying the way she felt she had died a long time ago, she would forget that she was in a hopeless city, entombed beneath a forsaken one. She would try not to think of who she was, or who she would never be, and she would be briefly, fleetingly happy. 

She remembered hiding herself in her covers and blankets on her creaking, narrow bed. In the winter, she only slept on the nights that she was so tired she couldn't stand anymore. 

Now she found herself curled in a fetal position, head almost between her knees, trying to drive out the cold she so pointedly remembered. It was harder to do, now that she had encountered the warmth of those arms, that chest -a heartbeat pressed to her thirsty, eager ear. She had even woven her own heartbeat to match his. 

And so, she hated that heartbeat for deserting her. She hated those arms for drawing away from her shoulders and waist. She hated herself for releasing and trusting the way she seemed to so easily, when she never should have. Oh, how she hated who she was. Who she was, or who she had become? Was her future -now present -decided the moment she was born, or was it her own stupid, sickly fault she had turned out such a pathetic girl? 

Her eyes fluttered open and then shut again. Breaths wanted to come and go the way they were used to, but didn't; it wasn't necessary. 

The cold spread over her like a protective blanket. It was not a sensation anymore. The cold had become an emotion. Or a lack thereof. Or a lifestyle. Or death. 

She promised herself preservation. She didn't want to die anymore than anyone else did. She didn't want to suffer anymore than anyone else did. She didn't want to surrender anymore than she might have wanted to a year ago. 

She resented herself deeply for surrendering for even a moment to the young man with the warm, reserved smile and the tall, lean frame. 

In rivets and droplets and smoky glass stones, the memories of a dream dreamt only recently, came meandering back. They gently demanded her attention and her evaluation. She wanted covers to hide under. Peeking out from under her wished covers, the memory of the dream was just as prominent. She tried to concentrated on the musty, musky smell of the blanket pulled up to her chin, but couldn't. 

What a sweet dream that had been. He had loved her. He had held her endlessly, his body fitting perfectly around hers, like the way beautiful actresses and handsome actors fit perfectly together in those sappy, sweet, strangely rewarding but also depressing romantic films, the ones she used to watch only an age ago. 

No wonder she felt so bitter now. That dream had been so reassuring, so realistic. She had clung to it so fervently.. now she released it without a second thought. It had betrayed her by coming into existence, she had betrayed herself by letting the dream in, past the concrete walls she built. 

She erased the pencil-painted wish, `if only it had been real,' with a sigh. If only it had been real, indeed. If only anything she had ever hoped or dreamed for in her life had come true and stayed real. She had been embarrassed by her own naiveté often enough. The least she could do is keep her barriers up. Help save the world, be a shining heroine, be beautiful, be radiant, be content. 

As long as she didn't believe it herself. 

She would not yield anymore, she would not cease her vigilance anymore. She would not show her human weakness anymore. She would be who everyone wanted her to be, and who everyone expected her to be. 

Just.. just Tifa. 

No one less. 

Certainly no one more. 


	13. Disbelieving

Chapter XIII; Disbelieving 

Yuffie let out a scream and pointed. 

Sensing more than seeing, Cloud took a deliberate step into the Lifestream. His head was pounding and his vision still blurred. It was shallow here, only ankle-deep. It became knee-deep, and waist-deep, before he had reached the girl, floating inanimate in the green substance. Her skin was alabaster and bloodless, even her lips were drained of all color. They were parted slightly, as if she were only sleeping. Her eyelashes clotted together, wet black rims beneath her closed eyes. 

If Tifa was dead, he would kill Sephiroth and then himself. 

He felt a sudden pang, remembering Aeris and how they had buried her. He pulled Tifa up out of the Lifestream and cradled her in his arms. This seemed the exact opposite of Aeris' death. 

Cloud waded quickly to the shore, the precious, priceless burden far too limp in his arms. Laying her down in the grass, ready to collapse there beside her and sob his soul out, he knelt, pleading to hear breath escaping her lips, but there was none. 

He cupped her chin, closed her nostrils and said a prayer to any deity of any religion who would listen that this girl would come back to him. 

He pushed his breath into her urgently. There was no 'romantic tension,' there was no desire in the touching of their lips this time._ This time? What about.. and what if she's dead? _Again and again, he gave her breath, and each breath with less hope. He felt her hands briefly and they were freezing cold. 

Just when his heart had plummeted into his stomach, Tifa began to shake uncontrollably. She coughed up Lifestream, breaths choked and desperate. She frantically waved a hand in the air and tried to sit up. He had a hand at the small of her back, his eyes wide, and his heart pounding so fast he thought he might faint. Tears streamed down her cheeks and her eyes were swollen and bright red. Her mouth was half-open as she slowly regained her breath. He couldn't recall a happier sight in his whole life. 

"God, I feel like shit," she hiccupped, and leaned into him heavily. "Join the club." he murmured. He ran his hand up from her back to the nape of her neck, curling his fingers through her hair joyously. He couldn't help grinning as he lifted her from the damp ground. Her arms automatically looped around his neck. He could tell she was still entirely in shock. 

"I can walk.. I can walk.." she murmured, fear and nervosity crossing her face. 

"No, you can't, no.. you can't.." he opposed her softly, careful where he walked. As he carried her, she shuddered and drew closer to him. His eyes closed a moment._ She's alright, she's fine, she's alive, we both are._

Yuffie was so joyous she rapidly became hyperactive and started asking questions to the both of them. Here was where Cloud discovered there was something quite literal about 'in one ear, out the other'. It was happening to him right now as they trudged back to the Airship. Every question Yuffie asked, he heard and understood, and yet, every question she asked him, he forgot no sooner than one second later. 

He felt his breathing slow a little in gratefulness. He wanted to pull her up, near to his face, and kiss her, but didn't -it felt unnatural. He didn't know why. Just.. he couldn't for some reason. What was this feeling? 

He felt the shock hitting his own body now. Incredible exhaustion came over him.. he felt as if he were going to collapse right there, and Tifa's sleeping form was probably all that was keeping him from toppling to the ground right now. 

After a nervous demand on Nanaki's grandfather to get Tifa up to the deck of the Airship by using the same magic Bugenhagen used to keep himself floating, during which Cloud stood beneath Tifa's floating form, alternately throwing scowls to Bugenhagen and then lifting tired eyes up to the love of his life, ready to catch her as she drifted up casually, he finally could put her down on her bed. She inhaled deeply and ran a hand along her face. He watched her for a moment. Then he turned to the small gathering at the door to the collective bedroom. 

"I guess we need to talk," he said softly, and stood up, casting a last glance at Tifa and then walking over to the others. 

* 

Tifa had awoken a few hours ago, and Cloud hadn't been able to shake the feeling of foreboding ever since. She hadn't met his eyes for longer than a fraction of a second since she had woken up. She had given him one smile, one whisper of a smile, her eyes not even lighting up. Something was wrong. 

He had let her sleep, and had talked to Avalanche in the meantime. He had told them, basically, where it was at, how his past wasn't his past, and what was his past, really too sad or incredible to accept. He apologized to them, and they pledged their allegiances to him again. He was surprised, to say the least, because he hadn't really dared expect their faith back, not after all the wrongs he had done them. But they had met each other's eyes, and they had shaken their heads knowingly, and they had welcomed him back with open arms. And it was about damnwell time that he realized he was a mighty fine leader without having been a Soldier, and without having been perfect. He was a misfit, like every human was. So he had thanked them, frankly overjoyed, and had decided to see if Tifa was awake already, to thank her too. In the end, she had been the one to show him his path.. even if it felt so long ago, just this afternoon in the Lifestream. Yuffie came with him. He smiled inwardly at the sisterly protectiveness that she seemed to be showing toward Tifa. 

They walked quietly into the bedroom, peered into the mountain of pillows and blankets and quilts that was Tifa. She lazily opened an eye at them. Cloud grinned, Yuffie squealed. "Nice to see you again too, Yuff." Tifa said._ What about me?_ Cloud thought. 

"Yuffie.." Tifa murmured, still half-asleep, "how.. how long was I gone..? What did I.. miss?" 

Cloud felt an aching expand in his insides._ What.. what about me?_

Yuffie smiled. "Only five hours. That's all. Maybe five and a half. That's all." 

Cloud froze where he was sitting. 

_Five and a half..? How can that be possible?_ It had felt like days, at least.. maybe even weeks, in the Lifestream. Not.. not five, five and a half hours. 

"The Weapon's attack on Mideel, it wasn't too long ago, then..?" he murmured offhandedly. 

Now Yuffie hesitated. "How do you know about that? You were a vegetable when Weapon hit. Did Barret tell you?" she demanded. 

Cloud shook his head. Rashly, he replied "No, I-" he paused. Then- "I guess so." 

_No, Tifa told me._ Is what he wanted to say. But the blank look in Tifa's eyes was screaming at him to speak of nothing. If it was screaming anything at all. 

He wondered why she hadn't shown any sign of what had happened between them in the Lifestream. If anything, she seemed more distant. 

Yuffie left at one point, called away by Vincent. Cloud and Tifa stayed behind, somehow uncomfortable. He wondered to himself why, how that was even possible. What was wrong?_ Maybe you're just making a big deal out of it. She might be in shock still, from the Lifestream. She was immersed in it for a long time._ But he knew that he couldn't convince himself of that.. had he not been in the Lifestream for at least as long as she had? Not to mention he had apparently had one hell of a Mako-poisoning over his sorry ass before they even fell in.. no, if the Lifestream caused such a long after-effect, he should have been feeling it too._ Maybe you are,_ he reasoned. But then, why could he recall everything so well from down there, while she.. he gave up for now. He had just gotten rid of his last headache an hour ago, no need to get started on the next one. 

"Cloud.." Tifa murmured after a few moments' silence. "It's good to see you've woken up out of your poisoning again." And she stretched her slender legs over the covers. 

"Huh?" _Woken up? You're saying that to me?_

"Yeah.. you were missing for the longest time, you know.. after you gave Sephiroth the Black Materia..We found you here a week ago, drenched in Mako. They didn't know if you'd ever wake up again." 

Cloud stared. 

She blinked at him and stretched the rest of her trained form. 

Cloud stared. 

"Cloud, it's okay.. all that matters is that you're back, and able to fight Sephiroth, and I survived my dip in the Lifestream.. oh, wait.. you fell in too, didn't you?" 

Cloud's mouth opened slowly. He shook his head and left the room. 

"Cloud?" 

He stormed down the stairs and out onto the deck of the Airship, breathing heavily. Then he leapt off of the deck to the ground, thirty feet below, landing perfectly on his feet. _She doesn't remember, she doesn't remember, _was all he could think. He ran through the forest, running to get the dissaray out of his thoughts, running to get the chaos out of his head. Halfway a mile away from the Airship, a thought hurled itself at him._ What if I only dreamt it all..?_ and it came as such a shock that he tripped over the thick roots of a tree and rolled, and rolled back onto his feet. A dream, a dream.. he couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe this was happening. 


	14. Freezing Cold

Chapter XIV; Freezing Cold

Tifa stood in the small shower cabin, letting the water pound her incessantly. It was near scalding hot. Her eyes were closed, her skin in goosebumps. She still felt sick. Everything kept rerunning in her head, ever since she had woken up again. She had the distinct feeling she hadn't woken yet. She forced her eyes open and reached for the shampoo. She turned the water up harder. It massaged her back and neck. 

Suddenly the curtain was pushed aside, and Cloud was standing there, as naked as she was. Her mouth opened slightly, only to be covered by his. He stepped into the shower, pushing her back in, not speaking, kissing her deeply. She kissed him back, revelling in the feeling. The kisses quickly became longer, more passionate, the lust rising between them. She felt her blood course freely, her heartbeat fast and controlled like his. Neither of them held any hesitance or insecurity.  
He took her by the forearms and pressed her against the tiled wall, never breaking contact. A surprised gasp escaped her but she didn't pull away from him. Her back arched at the freezing cold tiles touching her skin. It felt marvelous, with his hot body burning against her. Her hands ran up and down his back, his chest, and the kisses were faster and rougher. She dug her fingernails into his shoulders, feeling the shower's razing sounds hiding their motions. He pulled her up, her hips on his, so her upper body was pressed against him and her thighs clenched against his sides, keeping her there, his arms around her. This way he could- 

Tifa's eyes opened as someone knocked on the locked door. "Tifa? You okay?" It was Barret. She turned the water off and stood there alone, in the shower. "Yeah. Fine." That had been totally surreal. 

"You were in there for a long time-" 

"I'm _fine_, Barret." 

Totally surreal. 

She took a towel and started to dry off. She hadn't seen Cloud yet, not since he had just walked out on her last night. She wondered about it briefly, but dropped it. _Who cares_, she told herself. 

And she went out to get dressed. Staring at her clothes, spread out on the bed before her, a thought nudged itself at her mind, poking subtly to get attention. She couldn't figure out what it was. Something about her clothes? She had had this feeling for a while now.. something was missing. She was forgetting something.   
She closed her eyes, the towel still around her. There had been this fog draped around her like a wool blanket, thick and suffocating. She pushed and pulled at the fog blanket alternately, not sure whether she wanted to pull it closer or to push it off. It itched her, but it offered her protection. So she was indecisive for now, keeping the blanket slung around her shoulders protectively. 

Confusion took its toll, she observed. She didn't know though, exactly what she was confused about. Which managed to confuse her even further. She shook her head and got dressed. 

* 

Cloud hadn't gone back to the Airship yet. He was still just.. just sitting there, not really knowing what he was doing. He was ready to either laugh at himself or kill himself. Poor pathetic little wannabe-Soldierboy did it again. How could he actually have thought that she loved him, him of all people?   
How could he have thought that they could have shared such a sweet time together? _-five and a half hours! _ It rang in his head.  
Which was another thing. How could they have spent so much time together and done.. well, done what he remembered as soul-delving, in a span of five hours? It had felt so.. so eternally long, so much longer than five fuggin' hours. So it must have been a dream. A wonderful, delicious, tantalizing, addictive, warm and cuddly and never-wanna-let-go dream, he thought, sarcasm simply oozing. Like everything else that fit any part of that (care bear-esque) description in his life, it did not exist. 

"Screw this." he said, and lay back. At least the weather was gorgeous. As he sunned, he tried to convince himself it wasn't that bad.. he could live without her. He could ignore her, and his feelings for her, for the rest of the journey toward Sephiroth. Then, he'd either get his ass kicked and the Planet would go 'boom' and it wouldn't really matter anyway.. or he'd somehow accidentally manage to defeat Sephiroth (hell, he had done it once before) and then he'd be stuck with a gargantuan fireball hurtling itself at them. Now, if he was able to stop _that_ problem from making itself too prominent (prominent, like, beating down into Earth and killing off 87.43% of the population) then he'd still have the mass hysteria to deal with. When he had burrowed through all of this, _then_ maybe he would be able to consider if limping after Tifa like the pathetic (and probably schizophrenic, depressed, everything-phobic, hyper-active, exhausted) dog he was, would still be worth it. Assuming she was still alive at that point in time, and still sane. He wondered if she was sane now, if any of them were. 

He wondered how the people of Mideel were holding up, now that Weapon had destroyed most of the village. He wondered how the Junon cannon had fared against the Weapons. 

He sat up, his mouth slightly open and nose wrinkled as if he were about to sneeze. He blinked at the sun in his face and did sneeze._ Oh my God. The Weapons are awake._ Sneezed again. He carefully ran over everything he had talked about with everyone since he had woken up from his 'little dip in the Lifestream' (he winced).  
Woke up, Yuffie was calling. Wanted to go find Tifa. Fell over when I tried to walk, Barret helped me up. Didn't say anything. Found Tifa.. talked to Yuffie briefly.. nothing about Weapons mentioned. Watched Tifa sleeping. Nothing spoken of there. Talked to everyone about what happened. I did all the talking. Nothing about Weapons. Found Tifa awake. She was.. distant..  
Cloud stared ahead of him, thoughts racing. He had a good memory, he had had one forever. What didn't make sense, what was wrong..?  
His eyes narrowed as he realized that he hadn't known about Weapon until Tifa told him. In the Lifestream. He didn't know she had almost been executed until she told him. He frowned, looked down in intense thought.   
They had talked down there. About why she wore those clothes. About what had happened five years ago. About.. about who he was. She had helped him find himself -hadn't he been full of self-hatred before all this happened? But he could remember almost word for word the conversation they'd had -she had called him a fucking idiot at one point!   
A smile brushed past him for a moment, and was then brushed off. He lifted his shirt and poked the scar the Masamune had blessed him with, just to check if it was there. It was. She had said that it was because of this scar. He couldn't actually have been a clone and still have a scar from before the Hojo experiments, conclusion being that he wasn't a clone. He remembered kissing her for that.   
He shook his head. Confusion had struck him, poking him consistently like a toddler holding its own set of silverware. Damned be everything. Now what? Had he been dreaming? Had it really all been a dream? But wasn't that simply impossible, given everything he had learned from her, given how he had changed? Or had it been himself? Had he picked up everything subconsciously, and had he only imagined that Tifa might have told him? 

His mouth pulled into a tight line. He sat up straight, lifting his head to overlook the Mideel forest.   
"Damn it, Tifa.." he murmured, and stood up. He couldn't keep away forever. 

* 

Tifa stared at the mirror image. A dead girl, bleak and unpoetic, stared back at her. She thought she looked anorexic. She thought she looked like someone else. She thought something was most definitely wrong with her. She didn't know what.

The door opened cautiously. 

"Yuffie." 

Yuffie flashed her a grin. "Good to see you're doing better." 

Tifa nodded. "Thanks." 

They were both silent for a moment, meeting each others' eyes uncomfortably.   
"So.." Yuffie started. "Have you seen Cloud yet, today?" 

Tifa shrugged. "No. Last night he just left without saying anything. I don't know what his problem is." 

Yuffie gave Tifa what was possibly the strangest look she had ever given anyone. 

"What?" Tifa asked. 

"Tifa.. didn't you love Cloud?" Yuffie asked her softly, as if she were trying to remember something that had happened too long ago, something that had always just been assumed.. 

Tifa stiffened and turned her shocked stare from Yuffie back to the mirror.   
"I think I'm going to go back to sleep for a little while," she said. "I think I'm still tired." 

Yuffie nodded and left.

* 

Dinner always consisted of everyone walking into the kitchen and rummaging around with plates and silverware; they usually didn't have any products to cook (but when they did, Tifa was the one who did the cooking) so they would normally do take out. Tonight was another such night. 

"Dunno.." Cid muttered as he skimmed the emergency menu of the Mideel restaurant. The owner of the inn had also had a restaurant to his name, and with yesterday's destruction, had had to improvise and compromise, but had somehow managed to still be able to offer edible food.   
"He don't offer much.."

"Well, since he holds the monopoly over 'all the other restaurants in Mideel', we don't really have a choice. We all must eat after all. We haven't any food to prepare ourselves, and even if we did, Tifa is in no state to cook for us. And I frankly don't trust any of you to prepare food for anyone." Nanaki responded, rather crankily. He did not take well to hunger.

So Barret, Nanaki, Vincent, Yuffie, Caith Sith, Bugenhagen and Cid went to the really-not-quite-as-arduous-as-it-seemed task of getting dinner on the table. Each of them had a PHS, so the orders could be made. Now it was up to Caith Sith to go around and ask people what they wanted for dinner. They let Tifa sleep.

Cloud came walking in just as the debate on who had to go pick up the food had risen up. Nobody wanted to go get the food, it seemed. 

"Cloud!" Yuffie exclaimed. "There you are!" 

He cocked her half a smile. "What's everyone screaming about?"

At that moment Nanaki gave a feral snarl that made everyone automatically take a step away from his direction. 

"Gentlemen?" Cloud asked, patient enough to be diplomatic.

Barret grumbled something about getting food and not wanting to go back to Mideel.

"This is about food?" Cloud glanced around the room a bit incredulously.

"Any suggestions?" Caith Sith asked. 

"Well, first off, have you guys remembered to count in the flight crew? We forgot last time."

Everyone looked away guiltily. They were still getting used to this Airship thing. Cid glared around the room.

"Uh-huh. Just.. lessee.." Cloud pulled out his wallet and flipped through. "I should have enough. Give me all the orders and I'll go do it. I need to keep myself awake anyways." 

* 

"Mmm.. Cloud?" Tifa rolled over and sat up, rubbing her eyes. 

He stood over her bed, watching her intensely. That look in his eyes made her feel strange. It brought the fog blanket feeling strong on her.

"It's dinnertime, Tiff." he said quietly. "What do you feel like?" And he handed her the menu.

She took it, not meeting his eyes. After looking through it for a moment, she said, "I guess I'll just have the surimi salad. Oh.. and the bagel with cream cheese."   
And she smiled a little. The smile sent his head spinning. He nodded, trying not to look at her. She was wearing a tiny nightie under the covers, he could tell.  
He was about to leave again when something struck him, and he turned back. 

"Can I ask you something?" he said, and started to take off his shirt.

Her eyes widened noticably and she said, "doesn't look like I'm actually getting a choice in the matter -what did you want to ask?"

He pointed to a white slit, a long scar on his abdomen. "Can you remember where I got this scar?"

"That scar?" She motioned him to come closer, and she ran her finger along it. He was glad she didn't seem to be noticing the effect it was having on him. "Yeah, I recognize it -isn't this where Sephiroth stabbed you with the Masamune? Didn't he stick it right through you, missing vital organs just barely, I think you said- "

He rashly took her hand and kissed it. "Thanks. That's all I needed to know."

He noted how she pulled her hand back fearfully, but that was all he needed to know. His mouth set in determination.

She watched him go, the frown on her face tight and worried. The thing was, she wasn't sure of what she was worried about. 


	15. Loving You

Chapter XV; Loving You, _or_, the basics to the endless thing of who loves who, why do they love them, and how much,_ or_, what the term 'S&M' stands for 

Dinner was spent in a relaxed fashion, with everyone sitting out on deck of the Airship and enjoying the company of the mild evening sun. 

A breeze curled itself through Tifa's hair and mussed it charmingly. She ran an impatient, uninterested hand through it in an attempt to keep it straight and untangled. She had already finished her bagel, and was now delicately, almost frivolously, picking at her salad with her ebony chopsticks. Somehow, no one else noticed, but Cloud watched her closely the whole time.   
Oh, and she knew he was watching her. And he knew that she knew. She had avoided his eyes the entire time. He was losing patience, rapidly. He was trying to see what she was thinking, but she was closed to him, uncharacteristically emotionless and silent. 

Usually she never got frustrated with wind in her hair. Usually she loved having it blow through her hair. Usually she didn't pick listlessly at her food -usually she was even the one who would want to cook. Usually.. damnit, usually she would meet his eyes and smile at him.  
Just closing his eyes he could imagine her smile. When Tifa was enthusiastic and cheerful, she would smile this brilliant, blinding, and somehow shy, grin. When she was hesitant and nervous, then a quiet, half-apologetic smile would creep up to her lips. When she was in a mood of especial tenderness, then she would just have the most wonderful sweet smile on her face, the expression in her eyes one of surrender and love. 

He glanced at her for what was easily the hundredth time, ignoring the ache in his gut.  
_ Damn it, look at me. Meet my eyes. Don't leave me hanging like this, Tifa.. _

* 

Tifa sighed. She looked off over the rail of the Airship, though she wasn't looking at anything really. The deck was clear of interference; no one stood on it save a pale young woman with long brown hair blowing loosely behind her in the wind.  
She pushed it from her face in frustration. Images and words kept running through her tired brain, struggling for attention. She had finally figured it out.  
She could remember conversations with Cloud, hugs with Cloud, _kisses_ with Cloud. She could remember so much, while none of it had happened. She was disgusted with herself. What was wrong with her? She was.. she seemed to be hallucinating, imagining things that weren't there.  
Yuffie's voice rang clear. ._.didn't you love Cloud?_

Tifa's mouth twitched. Oh, yes, she loved Cloud. She loved him so much she was growing to hate him. And everyone else. And herself. 

This was where she would let things change. She had felt unanswered love long enough. She had hated herself long enough. If she hated herself much longer, she would kill herself, simply by living the lie. If the only way to stop hating herself would be to stop caring so much for Cloud, then she would stop it. She would force herself to.   
She pondered for a moment how she had come to this conclusion, because she was pretty sure that before the Lifestream, she hadn't thought for a moment of turning her back on Cloud, on love. She didn't know. It was like a feeling she had woken up with, and had been unable, unwilling to shake. But this weight pressing down on her offered her protection and she would not negate it. It was all very simple, really. It was so easy to let go when peace, when withdrawal was promised. 

"There you are." said a voice behind her. Its timbre rang clearly in her ears and she told herself she hated it. She only half-turned, not really meeting his eyes but somehow succeeding in pretending to. Her thoughts grew dark red and stormy. 

"You were looking for me then?" she asked. 

"Yeah." he was warm but careful. What had he perceived? 

"What's the matter?" 

"I.. nothing really, I just wanted to see how -" 

"Why did you come to talk to me if there isn't anything the matter?" she asked, not feeling either overly upset or distinctively interested. _Enough._

A moment's disturbed silence. "I.." he shook his head and looked at her. She decided not to meet his eyes. The sun was setting. 

"Don't you remember anything from the Lifestream?" He suddenly asked her. She could feel his eyes search her face, and she knew he found it to be expressionless. Her attention was drawn by several clouds colored orange by the sunset, and her eyes drifted to them. _Cloud, cloud, clouds._

"Tifa?" 

Her attention snapped to him, she suddenly heard his question._ Lifestream? What? Everything I remember _-she shook her head. "I don't think I know what you're talking about." she replied, feeling an itch in the back of her mind, begging her to please think before she responded. She ignored the itch, the way itches should be ignored. 

"Are you sure you don't understand what I mean?" 

"Cloud, it's absolutely impossible that anything might have happened down there between us." 

"I never said anything about things that might have happened down there between us," he repeated after her cynically, "but somehow you just happened to come upon it." 

She made herself meet his eyes. They were cold, bright blue. He was angry. She thought to herself that deep down she felt like crying, but she didn't. She wouldn't let him see her weak. She had better things to do with her life. 

"What if I just don't care, Cloud? What if none of it is important?" 

She corrected herself on her earlier thoughts, and thought to herself that the Tifa from before the Lifestream would have felt like crying, had he said something like this to her. But not her, not the new and improved Tifa. 

The look in his eyes was meaningful, and held bitterness. It gave her an odd sinking feeling. She found it was easy to keep her face expressionless and uninterested. 

He opened his mouth once more -she watched his lips move, and couldn't resist drifting back to the -_Dream! Damnit, it had been a dream!_- feeling of being kissed by him -and his face neared hers dangerously. Her eyes skipped from his mouth to his eyes. Oh God, would he kiss her? 

He did not.  
"I want to be able to spreak with you undisturbed. Meet me at the ruins in Mideel at midnight." he murmured to her, mouth disastrously close to her ear. She could feel her pulse racing.  
She shrugged, turned away from him and focused her attention back to whatever there was in the distance, as long as it was not him. He strode away. She turned to watch him go, and cursed herself softly for it.

* 

Though she didn't really want to, Tifa met Cloud at the ruins of Mideel. The village was haunted now, it seemed. The stilt houses were desolate and doomed up like skeletal faces, broken glass eye windows. Her eyes narrowed at her own metaphor. This had better be over soon. 

For some reason, she headed straight for the ruin that was the Mideel Clinic. She stepped around the rubble, watching where she put her feet. A green glow entered her field of vision. Her gaze glided up to halt at the massive pool of Lifestream, lying silently before her. 

The Lifestream. She remembered every second from when she had fallen in, Cloud before her in the wheelchair. God, he had been such a vegetable, she remembered. Bizarre that, while he had been poisoned with Mako, falling into the Lifestream seemed to have healed him. As if something had actually happened to him down there.   
Suddenly, she was attacked by the image of Cloud kissing her, and her then yelling at him for it. And then them kissing again. She blinked. 

A hand touched her arm and she jumped. It was Cloud, of course, standing behind her. She suddenly became aware that he was a head taller than she was. She stepped away, careful to keep her distance.   
"You could have just said something." she remarked over her shoulder. 

He didn't reply. 

"What did you want to talk about?" 

"What happened in the Lifestream," came his voice from behind her. 

"We fell in, we got pulled out?" she tried. 

"No. We were together for what felt like days and you helped me in believing I was not a clone." 

"Cloud, that didn't happen." she said, made of stone. 

"It did." 

She sighed. "Look, Cloud.. I can't help it if you dreamt -" 

"It wasn't a dream." 

She was readily growing annoyed. She half-turned to face him. He seemed exhausted but determined. She felt a tug in her gut and pushed it away. 

"I can't believe you sometimes, you know that?" she murmured. He shrugged now, and she looked back to the Lifestream. 

"Well, tell me.. did you dream too?" he asked softly. She turned fully to him this time. 

"If you must know, then yes, I did dream." 

"What about?" he stepped towards her and she automatically stepped back. Frightened dancers. 

"It doesn't matter.. it was only a dream." 

Before she could step away again, he grabbed her arm and pulled her closer. She was pale. 

"Tell me, Tifa, did you dream of telling me of what the Weapons did to Mideel? Telling me of your would-be execution? Did you dream of remembering who you kicked down the stairs five years ago, and who saved your life after that, when Sephiroth almost killed you?" 

Her eyes were definitely wider now, even as she stared passively the other way. He was winning ground. 

"Do you remember the time we spent together? Do you remember what else we did down there? _You're a great kisser when you're drunk,_ does that ring a bell?" 

Her head snapped up to him and then she forced her gaze past his shoulder at a broken down wall. 

"How about _finding my own path_? How about _sugarplums_? How about this?" and in one fluid motion he pulled her to him and kissed her, his hand still clutching her arm. After a tiny hesitance, she began to struggle, but he wouldn't let her go immediately. When he did, she smacked him. 

"Don't!" she exclaimed. He was afraid she would say, don't ever do that again, but she did not. Her lips pressed together, and her face seemed divine, round and white like the moon, her lips as white as the smooth skin on her belly. Her eyes were two bright stars, far away and threatening to have died before he could reach and pluck them from the sky... 

"Don't." she murmured. His attention was fixated on her. 

He pressed, "Why not, Tifa? Can't you remember any of -" 

"Shut up, shut up! I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to listen to you, shut up, shut up!" she shouted angrily, losing self-control for a small moment. 

"Tifa!" he snarled at her. "Stop trying to hide from me!" 

She swallowed what she had wanted to yell, and instead, "A dream, Cloud. None of it was real. There happened nothing. There is nothing." 

"You're lying! It's not true!" he shouted. Cloud heard his own voice and realised he was not making an accusation but begging her, pleading her to be lying. 

"Prove it," she asked, "show me something you shouldn't know, something I would have had to have told you down there." 

A heavy silence sank in between them. She had recovered her layer of crystal, of ice, and her expression had dissapeared, and she had regained the composure of a doll. Her head tilted back, arched brows, unpainted, frosted lips, thick lashes over burgundy eyes rimmed with silver and blood. He had never seen her like this before, deathly, and it frightened him. 

Prove it. 

And suddenly Cloud Strife was struck with an idea, the whisper of a bitter breeze curling itself venomously around him. But the idea.. his mouth set. He would hate himself for this, especially if it worked.. 

"Tifa.." 

"What now, Cloud?" she met his eyes coolly, never letting anything on. 

"I know your secret." 

He stepped toward her. She didn't move. His eyes were purposeful. His voice was drawn back, mesmerizing like cold crystalclear water.  
He knew it would scare her and she knew it was working. 

He came a little closer. She forced herself to keep taking deep breaths. It was too tempting to let him hurt her by listening to whatever he had to say.. 

"I know how you feel about me." 

What!? She stared at his shoulder. _Deep breath, Tifa, deep breath. We're past that now._

"I know why you stayed with me at Mideel." 

His voice was ruthless as he moved around the girl, stopping when he stood behind her. 

_Deep breath. Deep breath. . _

Shallow breath no breath, oh God oh God what was happening? Sinking, falling dropping Dead. 

"Tifa.. I know you can't live without me." 

He leaned to her, whispering into her ear from behind her. She couldn't move a muscle. Tears ran screaming protests silently down repentant cheeks. She opened her eyes, looking up, mouth opened a little to keep from suffocating, keep from drowning. Eyes were beautiful in despair, searching the skies for any God, any Saviour. _Please.._

"I know you love me." 

_Click. _

With a scream, Tifa spun around to him. Something had ripped inside, a woolen fog blanket pulled too roughly from her aching, cold limbs. There was no will to hide anything, there was no will to deny anything any longer. But there was anger, to hate anything, anyone.   
One could say all hell broke loose.

As she turned towards him, Cloud saw tears streaking her cheeks. That was in the split second before her fist connected with his gut. With everything that snapped in Tifa Lockheart, this was the only way she could release it. Her small, slender hands balled into experienced fists, and before either of them knew it she was hitting him, again and again and again and not being able to stop. 

Though he hadn't expected it, he wasn't about to stop her. He deserved this, and she deserved to be able to let go of this. He took each hit with determination. He couldn't help but think that he seemed to have finally broken through her wall, torn through her mask. He didn't want to know at what price. 

After what felt like an age, though it had undoubtedly only been several seconds, Tifa sped up her punches; leaving less and less time in between each one, uttering a small helpless cry after each one. He felt himself growing slightly nauseous. 

Suddenly, with a heartrending sob, she hit him again, but now with a force ten times greater than anything else she had hit him with. _Final.. Heaven..?_

Within the fraction of the second that he saw her glowing fist shooting nearer, all he could think was, _I made her use her final limit.._  
He could have sworn there was a small explosion the moment it hit him. He heard the crack of at least two ribs, and then he staggered back and fell gasping to the floor, struggling to stay conscious. 

Tifa stood there, breathing heavily, eyes closed. Tears coursed darkly, steadily still, down her face. She leaned to one side, looked as if she might fall over and die right there.  
He wanted to say something, but all he did was cough and taste blood. 

"Cloud.." 

"I know that you're going to hate me.. but did it work, Tiff? Is it you again?" his voice a whisper. His heart was making little jumps and spasms, and he could feel it clenching, sending stitches of pain through his chest. He was met with silence. 

Minutes passed and then she was tacid. Her breathing was slow and quiet, like that of a sleeping child. She was still trembling. Her tears had stopped, her cheeks were flushed. Her arms wrapped around her middle, her head bowed. She seemed sick, and feverish, and all he could think was, it was because of him. 

He grew extremely nauseous at the thought, but he did not vomit, simply because his body did not have the strength to vomit. Eventually she raised her head, and for the longest time, she ignored him and all she did was look at the Lifestream, and where it had nestled its watery body down the path. The green light reflected unnaturally off her cheeks. His eyes blurred. He reached jerkily up to his face. Was he crying..? 

She shifted her weight. He wiped away tears but couldn't stop more from coming. After another blank period of time, she came over to him and knelt down beside him. 

"I.." she started softly, looking down. 

"Don't -" he said, his hand covering his face. 

"Cloud," 

"I'm sorry." voice choked. "God, Tifa, I'm so sorry." 

She gently drew away his hand. "So you're human after all. You're crying." 

He nodded. 

"Oh, Cloud." 

"I'm sorry," he whispered again, at a loss for any other words. He suddenly thought himself a young child, having done something mean and done someone wrong, and only now finding out, and feeling so terribly awkward and regretful about it, and trying to apologize to them.. feeling tiny and silly and hoping for understanding. 

She lifted his shirt and inspected his bruised abdomen carefully, not responding to his last apology. "It's already starting to turn purple." 

He exhaled and forced himself to sit up. He suppressed a cry and sucked in air through his teeth. She steadied him with her hand, though it was still shaking. 

"I really beat you badly." she quietly remarked. 

"I really hurt you badly." he responded flatly. 

"No, but I-" 

"Tifa, I deserved it. I deserved it." and he cocked half a smile at her. 

After a second, her face tightened and tears came out of her eyes again and her mouth pulled into a combination of a sob and a laugh. "Yeah.. you kind of did.." she sob-laughed, and leaned into him the way only she could, letting his tired arms drape warmly around her shoulders as they sat there. 

He took her sweet crying face and kissed it. After a moment's struggle in trying to keep both of them sitting up, Cloud gave in and lay back down with her on him. He kissed her again, and then saw that she was smiling, and he kissed her smile. 

God, how he loved her. He loved her so intensely, so ultimately and completely that it was heart-wrenching. He loved her as she smiled tearfully at him, as she pressed her face into his chest to sob a little more, just to get it out of her system, he loved her, he loved her. He had loved her forever and would love her still. 

"Hey," she smiled, muffled into his sweater, "I made you cry." 

"Yeah." 

"You don't cry all that often." 

"About once every five years." he laughed. 

"Five years ago?" 

"You were at the Nibel reactor." 

"Oh, Cloud." and they were still for a very long time, just cuddling each other endlessly. 

After ages, she half-sat up, and looked down at him pensively. 

"You're a bastard." she said. 

"Sorry?" 

"What you did. You're a bastard." she repeated. 

"But you still love me." 

_Whack_! She smacked him again and he groaned. "Tifa.." 

"Cloud.. I was tired. I'm sorry I did that to you but I had no choice. I was tired of being in love and not being able to tell you, I was tired of being haunted by.. by Aeris, and by everyone from our past.. I was tired of holding this uncertainty so near to me at all times. It hurt, I wanted to live normally.. I just wanted peace." 

"I'm sorry." he said softly. 

A corner of her mouth twitched. "I can't help it though. My being is intertwined with you, and only you, it seems." 

His eyes blinked shut, a smile touched his face. _Yessss_. She ran a finger along the side of his face. He reached up and took her hand. 

"I do love you, you know." she said delicately. 

"And I love you. But you already knew that." 

She smiled. "Yeah." and snuggled into his arms again. So warm. This was the feeling only he could give her, one of total reassurance and care, pure love and welcome relenting. She came home every time she kissed him. 

Cloud let out a little laugh. "Look at us. I bully you beyond belief, you beat the living crap out of me, then we're down on the ground having a nice little confession session." 

"Yeah, we're funny like that, I guess." Her smile was wider now. "Best friends can do stuff like this." 

He flashed her a strange look, stifling the smile on her face. "I don't want to be best friends with you." He said. 

A moment's silence. "You.. don't?" 

"Jesus, no, Tifa, I want to have children with you." 

"Oh.." She said, relief and amusement crossing her face. "But.. haven't you ever heard of the saying that best friends have the best sex?" she teased. 

He laughed. "No -but if that's true, then I take it back. You're my best friend!" 

She leaned over and kissed him on the lips for what had to be the seventeenth time in two minutes. His hand went up to her face. She broke away a few seconds later. 

"You taste like blood." 

"Heh. No shit." 

"I think it's kinda sexy." she said jokingly, and sat up on top of him. He held back a groan. 

"Now watch me find out you're sado-masochistic." he half-laughed, mouth still drawn a little in pain. 

"Oh, no, I'm just still a little upset with you, that's all." And she leaned forward again. 

"Makes me wonder what the marital arguments are gonna be like." he joked. 

She smiled and kissed him again. He was talking about marrying her. 

"You can't get up, can you?" she asked him. 

"Not with a fat ass like you sitting on top of -ow, ow, stop it, ow, I was joking, ow-" 

"Mmm.. Cloud, isn't tonight perfect to sleep beneath the stars?" 

"Why? You wanna sleep out here tonight?" 

"Um, no.. but if you aren't able to get up soon, you will be sleeping out beneath the stars." 

She carefully moved off him and stood up. "Coming?" she teased him. 

He sat up and doubled over in pain. "Jesus." 

After trying a few times, he had to stop trying before it killed him. He couldn't stand. 

She shook her head and turned to go. 

"You can't seriously just walk away and leave me like that!" he cried out after her. 

She stopped, and turned to him pensively. "No, you're right.." and she walked back. 

Plunk. 

"Ow," he said rather lamely as something small hit him in the forehead. She started to walk off again.   
"You can't do this to me!" he called after her accusingly, sort of amused with the whole thing.  
"Sure I can! We love each other and we're best friends. We can screw each other over all we want."

"I prefer the term 'make love'.." he suggested dryly, but she was already down the path, clear laughter ringing out behind her. 

What had she dropped on his head? He sat up again, eyes unfocused. He felt around for a moment, then found it. Laughing, he held a sparkling green cure materia. 


	16. Concluding this Tale

Chapter XVI; Concluding this Tale 

The girl walked slowly. There was a smile on her face. The moon was out, high and bright in the sky. It was neither full nor crescent, a little of everything. That was how she was feeling right now, she figured. Not really exuberant, just an inkling of happy stress beneath the skin. She was still reeling from what had just happened. It ached terribly, but she couldn't help asking herself if there would have been another way. She had been falling, she had been breaking, Cloud had caught her and glued together the chips and cracks in the eggshell of her smile, turning it from a disgusted grimace back to a heartfelt grin. He had healed her in his own harsh, rather blunt way. 

She took in breath, letting the night air run chilly through her, into her lungs. The air was real. Air was real, air was existent, though she couldn't see it. What she had shared with him was real too, even though it obviously hadn't been on the same level of consciousness. Everything.. everything she had felt as true and real, it had been true and real. And as dreamlike as it was, what was happening to her now, it was real too. 

She was falling in love all over again, while she had never fallen out of it, and was doing so with the same man she had already been in love with, ever since the beginning. 

Tifa had always been careful with other people's feelings. Strangely, it had never occurred to her to be careful with herself. She had thus given her heart to this boy, this man, this being of beauty and love and light; and she had given all her heart. And for years, he hadn't known, hadn't seen her. She hadn't seen him, either, but had been convinced that he was who she remembered him to be. And now, after spending all these months with him, she had been rewarded for her passionate innocence, her belief in love, her conviction in her own. 

_ Take my heart. My full heart. My beating, bleeding red heart. It's yours to hold. _

She hadn't dared hope for his love, not until about a day ago, but a surreal and dreamstate day that held more within its walls than the whole past month had. She hadn't believed that he had seen the same ember, the same glow around her which she had seen around him, each time their eyes met. Now, he had been the one to go out on a limb, to reach out and grab her back as she drifted away from him.

She had been suspended on a golden wire, letting it wrap tighter around her throat and wrists as she convinced herself nothing was real. He was the one who had untwined the wire, unhooked her like a merciful fisherman would a mermaid. And still, a golden wire was taut between them. She smiled. 

* 

The young man walked, not really hurried, but with an air of haste around him. There was someone he wanted to get to, someone who he needed to reach. And wrap his arms around. And never give up to any cold, to any danger ever again. 

He still felt a twinge of guilt every moment he thought back to what he had just done to her. She seemed to have forgiven him, but she was so great of heart.. she forgave so easily. She had forgiven him for deserting her, for ignoring her, for treating her as less than as the brilliance she was to him. He made himself stop wondering what she saw in him, stop wondering that she let him love her, touch her even. He banished the thoughts that had plagued him forever, and thanked every single star he could see that she loved him, that he had been lucky enough to be found by her the way he felt lucky that she had been found by him. 

He winced as he walked. The cure materia had done well, but obviously his abdomen was still mostly blue. He had no potions or ethers with him, so he had left his blue belly for what it was and had started to limp back to where he figured she was. 

He remembered running his hands, so much bigger than her own, through her dark hair. It was smooth, not knotty or sticky. It was long, with that cute flip at the end of it. He remembered more. Once, when they had been camping out in the open, and it had been his turn to watch while the others slept.. she had slept there beside him. He had really watched the camp rather poorly, because his attention had been focused solely on the girl, curled up, sleeping deeply, right near when he was sitting. At one point he had laid his sword aside. A glance had been cast at the older man with the gun-arm, who was snoring, spread-eagled on the ground, beyond the campfire. Then, the young man had crept forward, face near to the girl's sleeping one. Her face was turned upwards, as if she had been watching the stars when she fell asleep. He had felt her soft breath stream past his face; his own undoubtedly streaming by hers. And he had bent down, his lips slightly parted, his eyes on hers, though hers were closed.  
She had suddenly let out a sigh, deep and sweet and to him, heart-wrenching. She was only twenty. He was only twenty-one. Why did they both seem so infinitely older? He had backed away again, very aware of how he had almost let their lips touch. He felt silly and childish, for he had seen romantic movies in which the hero or heroine behaved in such a foolish way. He was suddenly very aware of the meaning of the term 'romantic movie'. 

Now it was the young man who sighed. He was quite sure it didn't sound heart-wrenching, so much as that it probably just sounded pathetic. He had thought he was pathetic, had thought it normal she hadn't been attracted to him. She always had wide eyes, holding something warm, something warmer than he had ever seen before in anyone's eyes. Or maybe he just thought so because he was violently in love with her. But she had confused him, drawing him out, talking to him, delving into him without realizing. Then, it seemed she would become afraid, and pull away from him, shy like a young deer. She had never actually passed up an opportunity to speak with him, or interact with him in anyway, but it was just that sometimes, there was sunlight in her eyes, directed at him, and warming him. And other times, there was a concrete wall, or perhaps a million concrete walls standing behind each other, protecting her. He just never understood until now from what. 

He had near-well given up on the hope that she might feel for him what he felt for her. He had treated her with the love of a friend, afraid to show more of himself than that. He had treated her with the respect of a comrade; it was more respect than he usually showed anyone. What he regretted, he had treated her with the warmth of a lukewarm mug of milk; until recently, that was more warmth than he had given anyone for almost ten years. He hadn't been able to understand that showing only so much love, respect, and warmth simply wasn't enough, not for this girl. She had such a great place in her spirit for others that she had left none over for herself. She was self-conscious, insecure, closed and jagged, though she seemed open and smooth. If he wanted to convince her that he loved her, he had to plunge himself in; she wouldn't believe him if he was too careful and insecure about himself. He had to show her his whole heart if he wanted her to take it. 

_ Here. Take my bloodred heart. Take my full heart. _

* 

She had her arms wrapped around her middle. It didn't really help against the cold. She didn't really care. Her arms might be cold, her hands might be clammy, her feet might be chilled. She was bright red in the face, she knew, and could feel her thoughts sending warm currents of energy throughout her body. Just thinking of him made her feel good. This had to be good. 

She felt like singing but didn't. She looked around. Everything was so quiet, that was all. She didn't want to disturb this.   
She was still in the ruins of Mideel, now standing on a small field that looked out over the Lifestream. The village was deserted, of course. People had set up camp on the east side of the island, between sand plane and coast, but near the forest that had sheltered them for so long. The west side of the island had been too open for the forest villagers, she guessed. She thought of the Weapon, and why it might have landed there. She understood that it was a creature that the Planet had created, along with a few gargantuan siblings. She understood that it could not think, only act out of supernatural instinct.   
She felt wide open, a receiver for everything coming her way.  
She was filled with so much right now. She was still a little shaky from the tears she had spent earlier, she was still a little fragile from the anger she had pounded him with. A small smile played around her face. That was the first time she had ever gotten that mad at anyone. 

Now she lingered, and looked around, hoping he would come to her soon. She did not know why she was expecting him to; any other person beaten up so completely would have stayed put there, sleep the pain away. She couldn't explain the feeling she had, that he would come and find her, besides what experience had taught. He always did come and find her, in the end. Be it when she was dying physically, be it when she was dying mentally, be it when she was perfectly fine and just missing him, like now. 

She took in a deep, sharp breath as she felt arms circle her, over her own arms. Immediately, she exhaled again, and relaxed her tensed body. 

She turned to him fully now, and a happy smile, a relieved, tired smile, grew on her face, and he kissed her. He had his arms loosely around her waist, but as they kissed, one hand crept up to curve her jaw. They fit wonderfully, he thought. She had one arm up against his chest, pressed between them, the other was wrapped around his neck. They fit perfectly, she thought.   
He hummed through the kiss, and then she laughed through the kiss, and they broke apart. 

"Surreal." she murmured. 

"Uh-huh." 

"Bizarre." 

"I know." 

"Cheese." 

He laughed. "It all ends up with food with you, doesn't it?" 

"Food? That doesn't sound too bad." 

"Sorry. I'd love to take you out to dinner, but we seem to be stuck on this island with only a deserted village and an airship, and a make-shift village where everyone's asleep, so no getting food there. And I don't feel like killing one of those giant grasshoppers. Unless you're craving one." 

"Oh, God, no," she laughed, "that's not my idea of dinner." 

"Why not? The legs are nice and crispy when they're fried.." he said, warm voice tempting. She cringed, and let out a sort of groan that had to be one of the most adorable sounds he had ever heard. Then she sighed, and wrapped her arms around him again, and looked up at him in total blankness. He blinked back at her. Then they both burst out laughing. 

"I love you," she hiccuped, cuddling him. 

"I love you, too," he choked, enjoying the cuddling. 

They walked back to the airship, arms linked, still laughing. 

Cloud had found his soul mate, his lover, the best friend he had always needed. Tifa had found her confidante, her rock in turbulent waters, her temple and her home. And, to put it simply for shallow-minded outsiders, Tifa had found a boyfriend, and Cloud had found a girlfriend. Things were quite simple, really. In the end, one could make something only as difficult as it needed to be. Now they walked back, and as they walked back, they each slowly, softly departed from their equally rough pasts, because now there was understanding, there was acceptance, there was complete love and wholeness. They could do whatever needed to happen. They had each other, right? 

~fin~ 


End file.
